(You can view TV Envy’s Programming Schedule here.)

• Jon & Kate Plus Eight (TLC, 9pm):  Season premiere. “Jon and Kate discuss recent controversies surrounding their family.” Is anyone else feeling really uncomfortable right now?
• Medium (NBC, 10pm):  “Joe lands in San Diego with a new job, upending the DuBois family and forcing Allison to contend with his absence.” The family will later reunite when they make their move to CBS.
• Keeping Up with the Kardashians (E!, 10:30pm):  “Kourtney and Khloe both experience heartbreak when they deal with ending relationships.” Being abruptly dumped by Donald Trump has has been difficult for Khloe.
• The Tonight Show (NBC, 11:30pm): Mel Gibson kicks off Jay Leno’s final week. I wonder if he’ll have any interesting stories to share.

• Reaper (CW, 8pm):  Series finale. “The season concludes with Sam attempting to trap the Devil into playing a game to win back his soul.” SPOILER: He’ll soon win his freedom from the CW.
• According to Jim (ABC, 8:30pm):  “Jim gets an unexpected reward for his charity work, but when Cheryl wants him to give it back, he decides to spend it on an expensive item for her.” Charity - it’s all about the giving.
• Man Caves (DIY, 9pm):  “Rainn Wilson (The Office) is surprised by Tony and Jason, who build him his own office.” Because all sanctuaries should remind you of work.
• My Boys (TBS, 10:30pm):  Season finale. “The gang treks to Arizona for spring training. PJ tries to cover all the bases by writing about baseball’s start in her column, but she falls victim to writer’s block.” A plug of chewing tobacco later, her creative juices are once again flowing.

• Wipeout (ABC, 8pm):  Season premiere. “New obstacles include Hurtles, Sweeping Gyro and a Bridge Too Far.” Our country may be anti-torture, but we’re definitely pro-humiliation.
• Your Worst Animal Nightmares (Animal, 9pm):  “The opener of a series detailing some of Australia’s most vicious animal attacks on humans. First up: a grandmother tangles with a crocodile to protect her family, and teens are tracked by a great white shark.” Huh. Nicole Kidman‘s version made Australia seem so appealing.
• The Goode Family (ABC, 9pm):  Series premiere. “Animated comedy about a vegan politically correct family whose good intentions always seem to go awry.” ABC should probably leave the animated comedies to FOX.
• Clean House: Search for the Messiest Home in the Country (Style, 10pm):  “A bride refuses to move into her groom’s messy house until it is cleaned up.” Unfortunately, the garbage piles are blocking her view of the waving red flags.

• National Spelling Bee (ABC, 8pm):  “The championship rounds of the 82nd annual event in Washington, D.C.” I challenge those kids to spell Inglourious Basterds right on the first try.
• I’m Fat Again: A Best Life Special (Disc Health, 8pm):  “Personal trainer and best-selling author Bob Greene shares tips for losing weight and keeping the pounds from coming back.” He might not want to use Oprah as a professional reference.
• The Real Housewives of New York City: The Lost Footage (Bravo, 9pm):  “The dynamic divas from New York City are featured in previously unseen footage.” Now you didn’t think they’d let those Garden State women have the entire spotlight, did ya?
• Southern Belles (SOAPnet, 10pm):  “Shea and her dad look at possible wedding dates, even though Shea isn’t engaged yet; the twice-divorced Kelly wants to start a matchmaking business.” A show about delusional women? Why am I not watching this yet??

• Don’t Tell the Bride (BBC, 8pm):  “A groom has four weeks to plan the fairytale wedding his fiancee has been dreaming of her entire life.” Granted, that dream came with a different groom.
• Un-broke: What You Need to Know About Money (ABC, 9pm):  “A breezy primer on personal finance covers such topics as credit cards, mortgages, investing and 401(k) plans. GMA financial contributor Mellody Hobson is joined by Will Smith, the Jonas Brothers, Seth Green, Samuel L. Jackson, Christian Slater, Rosario Dawson, Cedric the Entertainer, Oscar the Grouch and E*Trade’s talking babies.” Because people who don’t have money want to be lectured by those who do.
• Primeval (Sci Fi, 10pm):  “The team is summoned to deal with a shopping center’s raptor problem.” The morning mall walkers were having a hard time getting around the carnage.
• Jon & Kate: Twisted Fate (E!, 10:30pm):  “The state of Jon and Kate Gosselin’s marriage is the focus.” Thank goodness E! found a storyline to pair with their cute rhyming title.

• 2009 MTV Movie Awards (MTV, 9pm):  “Andy Samberg hosts the 18th annual party. Twilight leads the pack with seven nominations, followed by Slumdog Millionaire with six.” Only in an alternate universe - or on an insignificant movie awards show - could something like that happen.
• Platinum Weddings (We, 10pm):  “Black-tie nuptials in Atlanta are featured. Included: an all-expenses-paid weekend for 280 guests.” Note to self: Start finding wealthy, unmarried friends.
• Jesse James is a Dead Man (Spike, 10pm):  Series premiere. “Jesse James goes racing in a dragster, takes flight in an F-15 and sets himself on fire to prepare for a Nitro Bike ride in the opener of the reality series in which the host executes dangerous stunts.” Ohhh - so he hates himself! Now I understand the whole Apprentice thing.
• Breaking Bad (AMC, 10pm):  Season finale. “Skyler’s frustration with Walt’s secrecy boils over.” Sounds like someone could use a cigarette break with Betty Draper.