(You can view TV Envy’s Fall Television Programming Schedule here.)

• Prison Break (FOX, 9pm):  “Roland seethes at the treatment he has gotten from the gang since he lost the transcribing device in Las Vegas.” Thanks to his fine work, this show has just been dragged out longer than it needed to be.
• Gossip Girl (CW, 9pm):  “Vanessa blackmails Blair, so Blair retaliates by asking Chuck to seduce Vanessa.” Sounds like somebody’s got some cruel intentions...
• 17 Kids and Counting (TLC, 10pm):  “A look at how the thrifty Duggars save money on their clothing, food and heating bills.” Thankfully, I don’t plan on shopping for a family of 17, so there’s a lot more for me.
• CSI: Miami (CBS, 10pm):  “A murder occurs in a trendy fashion boutique and during the investigation Horatio realizes that Julia is becoming increasingly unstable and volatile.” Had he taken his glasses off, he could have seen this coming sooner.

• Dirty Jobs (Discovery, 9pm):  “The host visits a sheep farm to get on-hands experience shearing and castrating the livestock before sampling Rocky Mountain oysters.” This show should not be confused with Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern.
• Weird, True & Freaky (Animal, 9pm):  “A look at overgrown animals, including a rabbit that is as big as a dog.” I’m guessing that thing poops more than just pellets.
• Eli Stone (ABC, 10pm):  “Eli begins a fling with an attorney (Katie Holmes) he meets at a baseball game—after already having seen her singing to him in one his visions.” Once he realized her hair looked better under a baseball cap, he decided to make his move.
• The Real Housewives of Atlanta (Bravo, 10pm):  “Kim works to become a country artist.” Well, she’s already got the big blonde hair and large boobs—so she’s already halfway there!

• America’s Next Top Model (CW, 8pm):  “Season 10 winner Whitney Thompson gives the models tips on shooting a cosmetics commercial.” Mastering the fake laugh takes help.
• Pushing Daisies (ABC, 8pm):  “A popular escort at a friend-for-hire outfit is killed, and the team suspects the murderer may have been his socially-awkward roommate (David Arquette).” Having just seen his socially-awkward cameo on My Name is Earl, I’m now starting to worry about Arquette.
• Stylista (CW, 9pm):  Series premiere. “Eleven aspiring fashion editors compete for a job at Elle magazine.” That show hasn’t even started yet?
• Brothers and Sisters in Love (BBC, 9pm):  “Exploring the phenomenon known as genetic sexual attraction, in which long-lost siblings experience sexual and emotional attraction to one another after meeting for the first time as adults.” I’ve suddenly found myself in the mood to read Flowers in the Attic again.

• Ugly Betty (ABC, 8pm):  “Kimmie (Lindsay Lohan) asks Betty for help in her job search.” Lohan then turns to America Ferrera for the same help.
• The Office (NBC 9pm):  “Michael and Holly anticipate their date night.” Why do I think Dunder Mifflin will be looking for a new HR rep soon?
• Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style (Bravo, 10pm):  “Tim offers a fashion revamping to a young real estate agent whose boxy, old-fashioned skirt suits may be holding back her career ascent.” Yeah, that’s why she’s not selling houses.
• Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew (VH1, 10pm):  Season 2 premiere. “Gary Busey acts as a mentor for the cast.” Busey? Uhh, has anyone seen that video with him and Jennifer Garner?

• Dog Whisperer (National Geographic, 8pm):  “Cesar Millan cures a cocker spaniel of his life-threatening appetite for paper products.” I’m hoping he can now cure me of my body-threatening appetite for cheese products.
• Real Simple. Real Life (TLC, 8pm:  “A stressed-out perfectionist is reminded to enjoy the simple things in life.” Post-it Notes placed strategically throughout her home help in this task.
• Don’t Forget the Lyrics (FOX, 9pm):  “Former American Idol contestant Constantine Maroulis tries to win money for charity.” And by “charity,” we mean his own pocketbook.
• Crusoe (NBC, 9pm):  “Crusoe loses his wedding ring while making repairs.” I wonder how long it took him to come up with that excuse.

• Desperate Housewives (ABC, 9pm):  “Gaby fears she might be pregnant again.” Again? I’m still trying to figure out how they got past all the surrogacy business.
• The Girls Next Door (E!, 10pm):  “Bridget and Holly revamp the Mapleton house before the arrival of some new female tenants, and then throw a housewarming party.” It’s so nice to see these ladies welcome the girls that could soon replace them.
• Dexter (Showtime, 9pm):  “Rita wants Dexter to move in with her and the kids before they wed, but he’s confused about it.” Serial killers need to take advantage of all the free time they can get before marriage.