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“Stop being such a p**sy. Learn how to skillfully manipulate women into becoming gamers!” is Mr. Destructoid’s rather tongue-in-cheek response to Hardcore Gamer’s “How to Transform Your Girl into a Gamer” lessons, which Destructoid unequivocally states do not work. Mr. Destructoid advocates that far more drastic measures be taken. In his own Six Step Program, Mr. Destructoid says to forgo the niceties and go straight for the jugular – in other words, “you must lie, manipulate, bribe, and be a total jerkoff.” For instance, gamers should look to the gorilla for inspiration when trying to change their girlfriends into a more acceptable model.
The highlights of Mr. Destructoid’s Six Step Program are: “Step 1: Study Alpha Males,” “Step 2: Flip the Arguments on Her,” “Step 3: Shower a Lot – Like 10 Times a Day,” “Step 4: Employ Peer Pressure,” “Step 5: Make Gaming Expensive and Unattainable,” and “Step 6: Nuke Feminine Resources, Rip Out Her Soul.” In short order, you will “upgrade her ass to a next-gen version.” Either that or be in jail… You decide.
Read More 
| Destructoid
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New Perfect Dark Zero Multiplayer Maps Released
Posted by Andru Edwards Categories: Corporate News, First Person Shooters, Xbox 360, Xbox Live, Xbox Live Marketplace,
Microsoft Game Studios and Rare today announced that they will be expanding the already extensive and exciting multiplayer experience of “Perfect Dark Zero” by adding four new battleground maps available now for download on Xbox Live Marketplace.
The four new maps, Plaza, Rooftops, Trench, and GasPlant will provide gamers with the ability to further their mission of becoming the Perfect Agent. All maps will be fully functional with all existing scenarios. Gamers can purchase these exciting new maps for 500 Microsoft Points from Xbox Live Marketplace beginning today.
Halo 3 E3 Trailer Documentary Now Available
Posted by Josh Smith Categories: Corporate News, E3, First Person Shooters, Trailers, Xbox 360,
Last week Bungie confirmed that a documentary about the making of the Halo 3 E3 trailer was forthcoming. Today they released the video which is available on Bungie.net in QuickTime and Windows Media formats including HD versions. Surprisingly the documentary is not currently available for download on the Xbox Live Marketplace. Included in the documentary are new angles and scenes, a feature on making the music for the trailer, along with “hints of things to come”. The video also features Bungie employee reactions to the end of Halo 2 and humorous comments about the development process.
The most notable quote comes from Martin O’Donnell, aka Marty, “We want this to be the return of the king. We want this to be the final chapter in an epic trilogy.”
Read More | Bungie.net
Gamers playing games like Perfect Dark Zero and Ghost Recon: Advanced Warfighter may have noticed that there are occasions when the screen appears to tear while playing. Team.com talked to Chris Satchell of the Games Development Group at Microsoft to try and pin down why this is happening. Many gamers have speculated that the issue is related to the fact that in order to get better frame rate performance from games, some developers disable the vertical sync on the console, or v-sync. Satchell responds: “Users are correct; ‘Page tearing’ is an artifact of changing the displayed frame of the game while the display device is partially through displaying the previous frame.”
PC Gaming enthusiasts have seen this in their games for a while, but the difference on the PC is that the user is usually given control over the v-sync setting, and can either disable it for performance, or enable it for picture fidelity. Gamers on the Xbox 360 haven’t been given that choice; for games like PDZ and GRAW, v-sync is always off.
Unfortunately, Microsoft doesn’t really offer a good solution for Xbox 360 owners. Satchell’s brilliant suggestion: “There isn’t anything I would recommend for consumers that can help alleviate the problem. I think when gamers get their hands on this years 2nd generation Xbox 360 titles they will be blown away with the visual excellence. So my only advice would be; make sure you have an Xbox 360 this holiday.” Microsoft appears to be using the distraction defense for this issue, where in an ideal world, gamers would be given the option to enable and disable v-sync on their own, so those gamers who value picture fidelity can get the imagery that they deserve from a next generation platform like the Xbox 360.
Read More | TeamXbox.com
ESRB Rolls Out Penny Arcade Public Service Announcements
Posted by Christopher Sasaki Categories: Corporate News, Culture,
Today, the Entertainment Software Rating Board officially announced their new public service announcement ad campaign targeted at informing parents on the categories in the game software rating system, and how to effectively use these to make educated choices for their children. The new “Okay to Play?” campaign will consist of print and radio ads, targeted at various markets, and in parallel, there will be a series of five print ads co-developed with web comic Penny Arcade published in various “gaming enthusiast” publications.
With all the current focus on banning or regulating violent video games running through various state and Federal government legislative bodies, the focus has been on the effectiveness of the ESRB now more than ever. It should be noted that ESRB ratings should be considered a tool for consumer education, and not a replacement for an active parental relationship with the child’s gaming habits. The ESRB has made mistakes, after all, most recently with their upgrade of the rating given to Elder Scrolls: Oblivion after further content review. The best way to counter the accusations of video games corrupting the youth of today is by having an informed populance that can make effective decisions about what games they will be playing, and not having overly restrictive bans on content.
The ESRB is hosting the images and MP3s from the parent-targeted campaign, as well as the first two images from the Penny Arcade enthusiast campaign on their website.
Read More | ESRB.org
Oblivion PC Patch Released, Xbox 360 Patch Tomorrow
Posted by Christopher Sasaki Categories: Internet, PC, Role Playing Games, Xbox 360, Xbox Live,
Bethesda has made the final version of the Elder Scrolls: Oblivion patch available for download. The download updates the PC version to 1.1.511, and the Xbox 360 (English) version will be available tomorrow on Xbox Live. There are numerous fixes to issues gamers have been seeing, including hardware fixes and optimizations for users with SLI and Crossfire configurations, numerous bug fixes to areas within the game, and a ton of fixes to quests that were broken or otherwise had errors in the original. There is the introduction of a new “Very Low Quality” rendering mode for users with low-end video cards. In addition, the patch notes list a number of ways users can optimize their game performance, modifications to get a wired Xbox 360 gamepad working with the PC version of Oblivion.
Read More | Patch Download
Read More | Patch Notes
Katsuya Eguchi Talks Animal Crossing Wii, Hints at Guitar Hero Wii
Posted by Michael Cardiff Categories: Adventure, Nintendo, Rumors, Wii,
Nintendo exec Katsuya Eguchi, talking with Kikizo, recently dropped some more interesting Wii tidbits. Specifically, he discussed some functionality that Nintendo is thinking about for their next iteration of Animal Crossing on the Wii, including using e-mail or cell phone based text messages to send letters to people in the Wii Animal Crossing world. But that’s not all - Eguchi also talked a bit about the addition of Wii peripherals and dropped this interesting note:
“Of course, if software calls for a light gun, we’ll make a light gun. If the software requires a guitar, then maybe we’ll make a guitar. Our number one priority is always to provide the ultimate gameplay experience, so if the game requires a peripheral, then we’ll supply a peripheral.”
Sounds like perhaps Nintendo and RedOctane have been talking, no? Just recently, an interview with some RedOctane execs, posted right here the company expressed a great deal of excitement about the Wii controller and mentioned using it for drumming, guitar, or (if the Wii mic is a reality) karaoke games.
Read More | Kikizo
More Price Drops for Xbox 360 Games
Posted by Michael Cardiff Categories: Action, Driving, Hot Deals, Xbox 360,
1up.com and the Frugal Gamer are reporting on some more price drops for Xbox 360 games, including The Outfit and Burnout Revenge now priced at $39.99. Just to review, here are the Xbox 360 games now available at the $40 pricepoint:
- Burnout: Revenge
- Condemned: Criminal Origins
- Dynasty Warriors 5: Empires
- FIFA 06
- Full Auto
- Madden NFL 06
- NBA 2K6
- NBA Live 06
- The Outfit
- Perfect Dark Zero
- Peter Jackson’s King Kong
- Ridge Racer 6
- Rockstar Games Table Tennis
- Tiger Woods PGA Tour 06
- Top Spin 2
Microsoft has stated that they’re feeling comfortable with their pricepoints through the launch of the PS3, and it’s not surprising - right now you could pick up an Xbox 360 and 5 decent games for the price of a PS3 un-handicapped system. Still, while Microsoft might not be lowering the price of their console anytime soon, they appear to be acting quite agressively in the area of games. Are these games for the 360 not selling as well as expected, leading to the price drops? Or is Microsoft positioning itself to be the console with the cheaper system AND cheaper games when the PS3 launches? We’ll just have to wait and see what further price drops take place in the months leading up to the PS3 release.
Read More | The Frugal Gamer via 1Up
Cancer patients are fighting back, not with chemo but by playing video games. Re-Mission pits Roxxi, a nanobot, against cancerous cells along with other side effects of cancer. The game is in the third person perspective and the graphics are near PS2 quality. The game was developed by Hope Labs and was created with input from doctors and cancer patients. Re-Mission is geared towards teens and young adults and has shown promise in improving patient behavior.
During a study involving 375 teenagers those who played the game used their oral chemo medicine more often and as a result had 20% more drugs in their system. Those patients also reported an increase in their quality of life. The game has also provided new avenues for Doctors to talk to teenagers who may not otherwise open up. Dan Neumann, a cancer patient and avid video gamer, took part in the development giving critical feedback to the developers.
“Adding a small level of violence helps, All kids enjoy shooting things in video games.” Re-Mission is available free to cancer patients or can be purchased for $20. The game requires a mid range Windows PC.
Read More | Re-Mission
The guys over at 4 Color Rebellion have just published a great DS buyer’s guide, for those people tempted into jumping onto DS Lite bandwagon. They feature some of their favorite games and accessories, as well as give a short rundown on how to transfer your old WiFi connection settings to your new Nintendo DS Lite. There might not be a whole lot new for existing DS owners, but for people on the fence, this colorful, funny, guide may push them over the edge. 4 Color Rebellion made it available as a PDF and as Flash; if you need to convince someone (significant other, parents, relatives, co-workers) why the DS Lite is a necessary part of everyone’s day, print out a guide or send them a link.
Read More | 4 Color Rebellion
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