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How Online Dating Saved My Life
Posted by Vicky Lane Categories: Advice, Humor, Marriage, Relationships, Sex,
For me, dating was never easy. Although I considered myself mostly extraverted, I was never bold enough to actually approach a random guy. When I was in my early twenties I lived in a small college town. My only real option for meeting new men was out at a bar or through work. I worked at the local college surrounded by women and guys too young to buy beer. And bars? First of all, I’ve never been a big drinker. And most importantly, I could never really take a guy seriously when he’s mostly drunk and probably snuck into the bar using a fake ID.
During my mid-twenties I made a huge move and relocated to New York City. I thought for sure that living in the big city, my dating life would be ignited. Man was I wrong. Now, I do consider myself an attractive woman, but come to find out the ratio of attractive women to men in NYC is quite ridiculous, one hundred to one I think. So I lived there for a year, sucked it up and went to bars, and went on a total of three dates. Three dates. One was with some accountant who was generally nice, but not my type. The other two dates were with a hair dresser who worked on the set of Sex and the City named Sasha (yes, his name was Sasha). Let’s just say that even the idea of possibly meeting Sarah Jessica Parker wasn’t enough to make me stand this guy for another second.
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Are You Really Alone for the Holidays?
Posted by Vicky Lane Categories: Advice, Humor, Marriage, Relationships, Sex,
It’s that time of year again and this year, Hubby and I are solo in a new city. This is the first year that either of us have not spent the holidays with our families. We finally made the tough decision to try and save some money and have a “romantic” Christmas together.
Only a few years ago, I considered myself alone for the holidays. Actually, many years in a row it always seemed that whatever relationship I was in ended right before the season. “Oh great, alone for Christmas again,” I would say. The worst thing of course was going to see the family and having to hear that dreaded question: “So, dating anyone?” UGH. I wanted to punch that person regardless of whether we had the same last name or not. The first few years that question made me so uncomfortable that I would lie and say, “yes.” Maybe I would make someone up or maybe I would extend my previous relationship and just pretend we never broke up. Either way it made me feel slightly better. If you are in that phase of your life, hey, there’s nothing wrong with a little white lie. Just make sure you are prepared to answer any follow-up questions.
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Why Nice Guys Shouldn’t Finish Last
Posted by Vicky Lane Categories: Advice, Humor, Marriage, Relationships, Sex,
I have to admit that at one point in my life I snubbed the “nice guy”. I was young, immature, and not sure what I really wanted. I actually said to my girlfriends “I don’t know, he’s just too nice”. What did that mean exactly? If I try to analyze it maybe I believed that the guy who acted tough, arrogant, and selfish would in the long run be a better mate. Or maybe I thought that all the attention I received from the nice guy was a sign of weakness or desperation, and I certainly didn’t want to be with someone weak or desperate. So I continued to date self-centered men, and lost every time. This was the guy that showed some interest but really kept you guessing most of the time. It was the guy who waited a week to call you (if he called at all). The guy who made you feel uncomfortable in your own skin. I hate that guy.
I have a good friend who is very aware he is a “nice guy”. When he is interested in a woman, he goes out of his way to show his interest. I remember trying to give him some advice a few times saying “don’t be so anxious, keep her guessing, women need a little challenge”. He always agreed with me but could never pull it off, that’s just not who he was. Why would he pretend to be aloof when all he wanted to do was spend time with these women and show them who he really was? We used to debate about “playing the game”. I used to say “yes, play” (ironically I was getting played and hated it). And he used to argue that he didn’t want games. He wanted the real thing and where the heck was she already? Ah, the nice guy.
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To burn or not to burn: What to do with pictures of your ex
Posted by Vicky Lane Categories: Advice, Humor, Marriage, Relationships,
This is a tough one for me because I never, EVER throw away pictures. I am a big believer in holding on to memories, even if they aren’t always pleasant. A lot of people disagree with me and believe that once the relationship is over, any and all photos, concert tickets, t-shirts, and whatever else was saved goes into the trash and set aflame never to be seen again. Well, I can agree with the ridiculous things that we girls keep… I actually had a “love box” for one boyfriend with match boxes from restaurants we went to, dried petals from the flowers he gave me, and a few cheesy greeting cards he sent me (pathetic). Ladies, these things must go!!! But photos, to me that’s a whole different story.
I spent a significant amount of time with some of these old flames and, of course, had some good times. Photos are an image diary, and just like reading through those journal pages (yes, I’ve kept a journal since the 80’s), it reminds me of those good times, who I used to be, and wow look how far I’ve come.
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