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Why Nice Guys Shouldn’t Finish Last
Posted by Vicky Lane Categories: Advice, Humor, Marriage, Relationships, Sex,
I have to admit that at one point in my life I snubbed the “nice guy”. I was young, immature, and not sure what I really wanted. I actually said to my girlfriends “I don’t know, he’s just too nice”. What did that mean exactly? If I try to analyze it maybe I believed that the guy who acted tough, arrogant, and selfish would in the long run be a better mate. Or maybe I thought that all the attention I received from the nice guy was a sign of weakness or desperation, and I certainly didn’t want to be with someone weak or desperate. So I continued to date self-centered men, and lost every time. This was the guy that showed some interest but really kept you guessing most of the time. It was the guy who waited a week to call you (if he called at all). The guy who made you feel uncomfortable in your own skin. I hate that guy.
I have a good friend who is very aware he is a “nice guy”. When he is interested in a woman, he goes out of his way to show his interest. I remember trying to give him some advice a few times saying “don’t be so anxious, keep her guessing, women need a little challenge”. He always agreed with me but could never pull it off, that’s just not who he was. Why would he pretend to be aloof when all he wanted to do was spend time with these women and show them who he really was? We used to debate about “playing the game”. I used to say “yes, play” (ironically I was getting played and hated it). And he used to argue that he didn’t want games. He wanted the real thing and where the heck was she already? Ah, the nice guy.
Click to continue reading Why Nice Guys Shouldn’t Finish Last
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To burn or not to burn: What to do with pictures of your ex
Posted by Vicky Lane Categories: Advice, Humor, Marriage, Relationships,
This is a tough one for me because I never, EVER throw away pictures. I am a big believer in holding on to memories, even if they aren’t always pleasant. A lot of people disagree with me and believe that once the relationship is over, any and all photos, concert tickets, t-shirts, and whatever else was saved goes into the trash and set aflame never to be seen again. Well, I can agree with the ridiculous things that we girls keep… I actually had a “love box” for one boyfriend with match boxes from restaurants we went to, dried petals from the flowers he gave me, and a few cheesy greeting cards he sent me (pathetic). Ladies, these things must go!!! But photos, to me that’s a whole different story.
I spent a significant amount of time with some of these old flames and, of course, had some good times. Photos are an image diary, and just like reading through those journal pages (yes, I’ve kept a journal since the 80’s), it reminds me of those good times, who I used to be, and wow look how far I’ve come.
Click to continue reading To burn or not to burn: What to do with pictures of your ex
Why Women Confuse Sex for Love
Posted by Vicky Lane Categories: Advice, Editorials, Relationships, Sex,
It took me a long time to figure this out, but when I did it was quite liberating. During my dating years I became obsessed with a jerk. He had none of the qualities I wanted in a man, but I think that’s what attracted me to him. He was the quintessential “bad boy” and I was intrigued. We dated officially for only about four months, but he stayed in my life for over three years. Sure I had boyfriends here and there during that time, but it was always him I went back to. I hate to say it, but he was my “booty call” and I was his. But, for most women, the booty call can be so misinterpreted. Sex, in general, can be so misinterpreted. I thought for sure that when he text messaged me at 3am it was because he still cared about me and maybe even missed me! Oh how foolish I was back then. I think the part of my brain that determined reality from fantasy hadn’t quite developed yet. Or maybe deep down I really knew that he only wanted to have some fun, but I allowed it anyway because I felt that any time with him was worth it.
Click to continue reading Why Women Confuse Sex for Love
Giving the gift that she really wants
Posted by Colleen McKie Categories: Advice, How To, Relationships,
When my husband and I started dating, Christmas was just around the corner. We decided to exchange gifts and I happily started poking around to get to know him better so I could get him something awesome. When he told me all about this great computer game that he wanted, I went out and picked it up for him. He had also been complaining that he didn’t have a laundry hamper, so I went to the dollar store, picked one up and filled it with a bunch of household items I knew he didn’t have, but needed. Perfect gifts to suit his hobby and his needs. And what did I get in return? Stuffed Star Wars characters. Which might not have been all that bad if I hadn’t told him on several occasions that I hated the Star Wars movies.
Click to continue reading Giving the gift that she really wants
Holiday recipes for the baking challenged
Posted by Colleen McKie Categories: Advice, Cuisine, Editorials, How To,
Now, first things first: I can bake. I’m a wonderful baker. I just get no enjoyment from it at all. Zip. So I rarely ever bake anything, depending on my local grocery store instead. But every year around this time, I get a hankering to bake. I don’t know if it has to do with all the chocolate treats being sold, or the candy cane scent in the air, but I feel the need to bake.
Now, I should clarify, that when I use the term “bake” I mean anything I prepare in the kitchen that can be used as a snack or dessert. See, there isn’t actually any baking involved. Yes, it’s kind of like cheating, but who cares? The results are delicious and really, that’s all that matters in the end.
Over the years I’ve fine tuned a few simple recipes that help with my desire to bake and my need to do it quickly. So, if you think you want to try your hand at baking, but don’t want to spend hours in the kitchen, try out these great recipes that are easy to make and pretty much fool-proof.
Click to continue reading Holiday recipes for the baking challenged
You might not know it to look at me, but I’m somewhat of a girly girl. I like make-up, scented lotions, and pretty things. What I don’t like is spending a lot of money on them. In my search for the perfect shampoo, lipstick, body scrub, et cetera, I have come across some great, and surprising, finds that won’t break the bank but will make you feel like a million bucks.
It’s All About the Hair
For years I had short hair that was easy to manage. Wash and slap some gel into it and I was ready to go. Two years ago I decided to grow my hair out and right now it’s the longest I have had it since I’ve been seven years old - a few inches past my shoulder. And I now realize why I usually keep my hair short: tangles.
And I’m not just talking a few here and there. I’m talking “not able to get a comb through it” tangles. “An hour to work through after washing” tangles. And even if I detangled it wet, it would dry and then revert back to a bird’s nest.
In my bid to not bald myself combing my hair, I tried everything I could think of: deep conditioners, leave in conditioners, expensive detanglers. Nothing worked until I hit the kids section of Walmart. L’Oreal Kids Tangle Tamer is by far my most cherished hair care product. Sprayed through towel dried hair it takes care of all of my tangles. For about 3 bucks it’s a steal and I can’t live without it.
Click to continue reading Beauty tips from a cheapskate
Okay, I am what you might call pleasantly plump. By no means a size two, or even a size six, I have some extra meat on my bones. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t like looking good. But what it does mean is that I have grown to hate shopping.
Remember the days when a size 14 was a size 14, not a size 12? Or a large was actually large, not walking doll size? I remember those days and I long for them again. It’s hard enough being overweight without walking into a shop to get a new outfit and leaving the store an hour later, crying. Really. A word to the wise all you designers out there: wanna make women buy more clothes? Then make a size 16, not a size 12. I try on pants and they are a size 12 and fit? I’m taking them home! I have to squeeze my butt into a size 16 and can’t get them zippered up? You can be sure that I’m not going to want to go up to a size 18. And I leave feeling bad about myself and wanting chocolate.
And don’t even get me going on bras. I don’t understand how I can fit into a 38DD, 36DD and 40D depending on the bra style. Now, I’m no math wiz, but isn’t 38 inches always 38 inches? If so, then why are all the sexy 38 inch bras way too small? I honestly don’t get it. And I’m getting sick of my granny braziers.
When my husband goes shopping this is how it goes: he walks into the store, sees something he likes, finds his size and walks out of the store. No trying on, no comparing sizes, nothin’. In and out. I’d love to shop like that. But since I currently have jeans ranging from size 11 to 16 in my closet, I have to try everything on. He couldn’t understand why I would go out shopping, be gone for hours, and come home empty-handed and miserable. Then I took him with me one day. After four hours of me trying clothes on and showing him each piece, we left and he bought me some jewelery. Now he understands.
So, with just a little over a month left until Christmas I have decided this year that I am going to have all my gifts bought and wrapped by the first of December. I don’t have a lot of people to buy for, but I do have a tendency to go overboard with the shopping and I am one of those manic shoppers who is still picking up odds and ends December 24th then rushing home to get everything wrapped. I usually have to write lists in order to keep track of what I bought and for whom. Regardless of this list-keeping, I quite often find myself staring at a gift and asking my ever patient husband if he remembered who it was supposed to be for.
The end result of all of this is usually me, extremely stressed and exhausted, shoving as much chocolate and eggnog into me on Christmas Eve as I can.
Click to continue reading Making Christmas stress free
These simple tips will help ensure that you have a great first date and help snag a second!
Tame your jitters. Remember that this is just a first date. Don’t get too far ahead of yourself thinking about where the relationship is going. One of the easiest ways to get thrown off balance is to worry about what the heck your date thinks of you. You should be evaluating your date! Pay attention to what he is saying and doing so that you can decide if he is worthy of you.
Be mysterious. Even if you feel very comfortable with your date and feel like you can talk to him about anything, keep a bit of mystery about you. He doesn’t need to know your whole life story on the first date.
Be open to someone who doesn’t fit your usual profile of the perfect man. I know that we all have our “dream man” pictured in our head. “He must be over six feet five.” “If he doesn’t make at least a million a year, I won’t meet him.” “I don’t date Scorpios or Virgos.” “I would never date an attorney.” Be a tad bit more open-minded, and you may discover that a 5’9” man is a lot easier to access for smooching, or that the Scorpio whom you just gave a chance to has a Libra moon and has you over the moon in love. Or that handsome young attorney that you almost turned down is suddenly making a great case on why he’s such a great catch!
Click to continue reading Dating Do’s And Don’ts
Etiquette For Texting In The Dating Arena
Posted by Marla Martenson Categories: Advice, Relationships,
As a matchmaker, I frequently get feedback from frustrated clients telling me that their date canceled on them by sending them a text message, or even “broke up with them” through text. What has happened to our society that we are all hiding behind e-mails and text messages? We seem to be afraid or too busy to pick up the phone and add a personal touch - a human touch. Sometimes, people say they sent a text to cancel a date, but the person on the receiving end never got it, so they were sitting there at the restaurant waiting. How frustrating and humiliating.
When I think back to the “olden” days—the 70s—before cell phones, answering machines, e-mail, et cetera, how did people manage to get together? They took the time to connect, to court, to make sure that the other person got the message. How did we get so busy? We have all of the modern conveniences, more than we ever could have imagined, yet, we have no time to even pick up the phone to let someone know we can’t make it or will be late. I suggest that we all take a deep breath and get back to what is important - people, connections, and caring about other people’s feelings.
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