I’ve heard some really horrible break-up stories in my day. One of the worst was when my friend got dumped after her boyfriend went away for a vacation. During the period of one week he had met a new girl, brought her home, and moved her in. Oh the heart ache she must have felt. It truly was a horrible way for him to end things. But I remember this particular break-up story because I remember how well she handled it. She was strong, mature, and had no urge to destroy him or his new girl. How did she do it? Maybe she cried every time she was alone or maybe (hopefully) she consumed high levels of alcohol so that she could drown her sorrows away. I knew this girl well and the bottom line was she just got over him, moved on, and never looked back.

I am the polar opposite. My worst break-up ever was with someone I dated for about 8 months. I was 28 he was 30 and we were in love. Things moved pretty quickly and I knew, just knew, he was the one. He was about to be a lawyer, an Italian like me, and we were basically compatible.

So how did he break up with me? The last normal conversation I had with him was amazing. We had agreed to move in together and finally start our lives. Oh my god this was it!! We would live together, get married, have babies, have more babies, renew our vows… and…. um…. yeah, all that other crap. God help me.

After that life-changing climatic moment, he left town for the weekend for work. Long story short, I never heard from him again. Well, I did finally hear from him, and the only words he could mumble out of his pathetic, weak, cowardly self was “I’m just not sure.” Yes, that’s what he said.  That’s what he thought I deserved after everything we shared.  Well, I could write pages and pages about the events, conversations and my analysis of this break-up, but the bottom line is he got scared, freaked out, and ended it.

How did I handle it? I cried. I drank. Cried some more, drank some more, and basically locked myself in the house. I can look back and laugh about it now, especially since this was the one and only time I finished off a whole bottle of wine by myself.  I remember drinking the last sip, falling to floor and blubbering “why, why, why-iy-iy-iy-iy”. I was pretty hammered.

Then I remembered my friend. The one who not only got dumped but had to deal with the new girl right away. Okay, how could I emulate her? How about, don’t drink and cry. Well, that was the first step. Here are some other steps I took to shake this fool out of my life for good.

Give yourself a small amount of time to sob and grieve
We are emotional by nature. If we must cry, let it happen. But tell yourself you’ll only cry, let’s say, one week over this. Think about how much time you’re wasting on the jerk that just broke your heart. That dries up the tears pretty quickly.

Do not drink excessively!
As my example clearly paints the picture of a drunk blubbering mess lying on the floor, don’t let this happen to you. Alcohol will be needed, but please try and limit yourself. This also has the potential for creating the desire to drunk dial or text this guy, and you really really never want to do that.

Get out of the house!
You can’t always deal with this alone. All of your girlfriends have been in the same state of mind at some point and will take you out to help keep your mind off things and give you lots of pep talks. Make plans with every friend you have.

Go browsing for men online
I am a big advocate for online dating. Even if you’re not ready to date, going online may keep your mind off things and help you realize how many others are out there.

And finally,

Realize he’s not the only one
He wasn’t the one, can you accept that?  If he was, you would still be together.  It’s the hardest lesson to learn but when it finally hits you, it’s empowering, and usually a sign that the worst is over.

The bottom line is breaking up just sucks.  We’ve all been through it and no matter who you are or how you choose to deal with it, it’s just not that easy. We all need help during this tough time, so remember you are never alone.