(You can view TV Envy’s Summer Television Programming Schedule here.)

• The Bachelorette: DeAnna Tells All (ABC, 8pm):  “With six bachelors remaining, DeAnna Pappas assesses the competition to win her heart so far, as do her six beaus.” Apparently revealing their boxers just hasn’t told her enough.
• Weeds (Showtime, 10pm):  Season premiere. “Nancy, Andy and the boys, on the run after she set fire to their house, head to the beach and a ‘heartwarming family reunion’ with Judah’s grandmother.” Had I known this show was only 30-minutes long, I could have caught up a long time ago!
• The Mole (ABC, 10pm):  “The contestants, clad in nothing but their underwear, hit the streets of Santiago, Chile and solicit clothing.” At this point, the show could probably use a little skin to ramp interest up a bit.
• Secret Diary of a Call Girl (Showtime, 10:30pm):  Series premiere. “A high-priced London escort entertains a middle-aged client who enjoys role-playing and has a penchant for being down on the farm.” I think that summary says it all.

• AFI’s 10 Top 10 (CBS, 8pm):  “A countdown of the Top 10 American movies from 10 film genres: animation, courtroom drama, epic, fantasy, gangster, mystery, romantic comedy, science fiction, sports and Western.” One more of these countdowns and the AFI will have officially crossed over into I Love the 80’s territory.
• America’s Got Talent (NBC, 9pm):  Season premiere. “The talent search’s third season opens with country-spanning auditions for top-notch entertainers in such fields as music, comedy, dance, juggling and magic.” Am I the only one who feels like this show is made up of reality show leftovers?
• Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood (Oxygen, 10pm):  Season premiere. “Tori and Dean return to the bustle of Los Angeles, where they anticipate the birth of their second child and the release of a Tori-penned book.” Thankfully, Spelling’s desperation will still be felt when she heads back to 90210 land.
• Flipping Out (Bravo, 10pm):  Season Two premiere. “Catch up with real-estate investor Jeff Lewis and his colorful band of subordinates, as they tro ty expand the business in a declining market.” Declining market + anal employer = almost too painful to watch.

• The View (ABC, check local listings):  Michelle Obama joins the ladies as a special guest host. Maybe she just wanted to make sure they weren’t talking about her.
• Farmer Wants a Wife (CW, 9pm):  “Two women go head-to-head with one another in Matt’s presence.” Who knew mud wrestling was something they did out on the farm?
• Celebrity Circus (NBC, 9:30):  “Wee Man gives the wheel of death a whirl.” Only a guy from Jackass would feel comfortable attempting something with the word ‘death’ in it.
• Top Chef Chicago: Watch What Happens Reunion (Bravo, 10pm):  “Host Andy Cohen serves up a reunion with Season 4’s chefs who dish on the 4-star dramas and field viewer questions.” Question #1: How the heck did Lisa make it to the Final Three?

• Last Comic Standing (NBC, 8:30pm):  “The mission to discover stand-up talent continues in Miami.” How many cities could they possibly search? If it takes this long to find someone funny, it can’t be a good sign.
• Biography (Biography, 9pm):  “A profile of singer Andy Gibb, who achieved fame as a solo performer and died shortly after his 30th birthday.” Someone please get the Solid Gold theme out of my head right now.
• Swingtown (CBS, 10pm):  “Susan tries to mend her friendship with Janet by asking her to help plan a housewarming party, but Trina intrudes with a bloated guest list and an unconventional idea involving fondue dipping.” I really don’t want to know what they are going to do with that cheese.
• America’s Best Dance Crew (MTV, 10pm):  Season premiere. “A second season begins with a whole new set of crews vying for the title of Amerca’s Best Dance Crew.” Great…they get a title. What happens next?

• Daytime Emmy Awards (ABC, 8pm):  “The 35th annal gala saluting soaps, talk shows and children’s shows. Regis Philbin will receive the Lifetime Achievement Award.” I’ve always wondered: Why doesn’t a show that celebrates daytime programming actually air during the daytime?
• Camp Rock (Disney, 8pm):  “Uplifting, song-filled tale about a teen who attends a summer camp for aspiring singers and musicians, where she meets a spoiled pop star (Joe Jonas) who reluctantly teaches there to repair his tarnished image.” Apparently this is where trouble pop stars go when Promises runs out of room.
• Planet of the Apes (FOX, 8pm):  “In the year 2029, an astronaut (Mark Wahlberg) crash lands on a planet where apes rule and humans are sold into slavery.” If I didn’t know any better, I would have thought this was Vincent Chase’s next movie role on Entourage.
• Mobile Home Disaster (CMT, 9:30):  “A 1978 mobile home is renovated for a blended family of six who have nine animals.” There were many things wrong with that previous sentence.

• Bridezillas (WE, 9pm):  “A binging bride hopes gaining weight will make her parents buy her a new dress.” Oh, please make her wear the tight-ass dress. Please make her wear the tight-ass dress.
• Girl With Eight Limbs (National Geographic, 9pm):  “A 2-year-old Indian girl with four arms and four legs undergoes a complex surgery to remove her extra limbs.” I hate when you’re left with nothing to complain about.
• Ice Road Truckers (History, 9pm):  “The Big Blizzard.” Now that’s what I call a spoiler.
• The Two Coreys (A&E, 10pm):  Season premiere. “Haim returns to Los Angeles and tries to mend bridges with Feldman, but discussions get heated during a reunion at a diner.” At what point does something go from train wreck to just plain sad?