(You can view TV Envy’s Fall Television Programming Schedule here.)

• Two and a Half Men (CBS, 9pm):  “Alan tries dating two women at the same time.” I remember when Ducky was pining over just Molly Ringwald. He’s all growns up now.
• Prison Break (FOX, 9pm):  “Sara learns something disturbing about Michael.” She realizes that if it weren’t for his steely gaze and tattoos, Michael would just be your average white guy.
• I Want to Work for Diddy (VH1, 9pm):  Series finale. “The final contestants train with Marcus Buckingham and are interviewed by Diddy.” If they mistakenly admit their loyalty for McCain, Diddy will retreat back under the covers.
• Exiled (MTV, 10:30pm):  “A hip hop star’s daughter is sent to the island nation Vanuatu to live in a bug-filled jungle in the shadow of an active volcano.” Had she wasted her youth watching Survivor: Vanuatu, she would have been prepared.

• Presidential Debate (Various, 9pm EST):  Let Round Three of the “maverick” drinking games begin.
• The Real Housewives of Atlanta (Bravo, 9pm):  Series premiere. If you thought George spent a lot of money on Lauri in the O.C., you ain’t seen nothing yet.
• Paris Hilton’s My New BFF (MTV, 10pm):  “Paris keeps the contestants up all night for a club crawl, then she challenges them to write a sincere toast to read to her in front of her mother.” Nothing says friendship like a forced letter of praise.
• The Rachel Zoe Project (Bravo, 10pm):  “Rachel puts on the glitz when she gears up for the Oscars, but a family tragedy and health issues gloom the glam occasion.” Now this would be an acceptable time to accessorize with sunglasses.

• America’s Next Top Model (CW, 8pm):  “The models attempt to reveal raw emotions during a fake awards presentation.” Oh no. I sense an overdramatic Tyra moment coming soon.
• Pushing Daisies (ABC, 8pm):  “A hunt by Ned, Chuck and Emerson for a missing teen leads to a circus with a curiously high mortality rate.” Later, the trio realize they have stepped onto the set of Celebrity Circus.
• Project Runway (Bravo, 9pm):  “The remaining contestants prepare to showcase their designs at New York’s Fashion Week.” If Kenley is eliminated before the finale (Pretty please!), I think the remaining three should have a collective - and audible - giggle.
• ‘Til Death (FOX, 9pm):  “Joy is impressed with Kenny’s decision to undergo circumcision to impress his new girlfriend.” Would Kenny’s new girlfriend happen to be Charlotte York?

• Kath & Kim (NBC, 8:30pm):  Series premiere. This sitcom follows a “dysfunctional mother-daughter duo and their adventures in middle-class surburbia.” All this dysfunction is making me long for the “normal” families (e.g. the Huxtables, the Keatons) of Thursday’s past.
• CSI (CBS, 9pm):  Season 9 premiere. “The show opens with Grissom and his team shocked to learn that Warrick has been shot.” Seriously - anyone who dares to wear a Speedo is really asking to be knocked off.
• Life on Mars (ABC, 10pm):  Series premiere. “NYPD detective Sam Tyler is hit by a car in 2008 and wakes up in 1973.” Based on what I’ve learned from Swingtown, I think Tyler might have a good time there.
• Eleventh Hour (CBS, 10pm):  Series premiere. “Top biophysicist Jacob Hood investigates crimes of a scientific nature for the FBI.” I didn’t realize CBS had left any crime ground uncovered.

• Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? (FOX, 8pm):  “Contestants include Jeopardy! champ Ken Jennings.” This could either be an obnoxious or embarrassing episode. I’m hoping for the latter.
• Degrassi (The N, 8pm EST):  Season premiere. Call me crazy - but these Canadian teens are far more interesting to me than those ones from Beverly Hills.
• Supernanny (ABC, 9pm):  “Jo helps a couple with four children (ages 5,7, 8 and 18), the oldest of whom is the only one who knows sign language.” Kids who disrespect their deaf parents are going to H-E-double hockey sticks.
• The Starter Wife (USA, 9pm):  Season premiere. “Molly draws material from her diary in a writing workshop, which she hopes will help her revitalize her career.” Maybe Eric McCormack should look into doing something like that.

• Paul Newman marathon (TCM, all day):  Let’s spend a day seeing how it’s really done.
• Mad Men (AMC, 10pm):  “Peggy’s in the mood for an office romance.” C’mon, Peggy. Haven’t we learned our lesson by now?
• Entourage (HBO, 10pm):  “A desperate Turtle signs on as Drama’s personal assistant.” Wow - Turtle must really be hurting.
• The Girls Next Door (E!, 10pm):  “Hef and the ladies host a Super Bowl party at the mansion.” I think this would be one of the few times men wouldn’t mind watching the game with women.