Make sure to check out TV Envy’s Programming Schedule.)

• Life Unexpected (CW, 8pm):  “Cate, Lux and Baze go on a road trip to track down Cate’s long-absent father (Peter Horton).” When they realized he was the guy with the mullet, they kept on driving.
• Rules of Engagement (CBS, 8:30pm):  “Audrey tries to give her unattractive friend confidence by lying to her and telling her she’s on Jeff’s list of women he would sleep with if Audrey wasn’t around.” By lying about it, she ironically gave Jeff permission to possibly one day do it.
• Runaway Squad (A&E, 10pm):  Series premiere. “In the opener of a series following a team that searches for runaways and reunites them with their families, a Long Island teen is sought.” He was eventually tracked down after becoming a mayor on Foursquare.

• American Idol (FOX, 8pm):  “The nine finalists perform the songs of John Lennon and Paul McCartney.” Based on how this season’s going, this could be A Hard Day’s Night.
• V (ABC, 10pm):  “Valerie’s accelerated pregnancy becomes an issue for Ryan.” He hasn’t had a chance to crack his Babies for Dummies book yet.
• The Good Wife (CBS, 10pm):  “Alicia and Will defend a college student accused of killing her roommate while under the influence of a sleep aid.” After the 20th snooze, she threw the alarm clock at her head.

• High Society (CW, 9:30pm):  “Paul gives Jules a gift with malicious intent.” He wanted the gift to feel extremely personal.
• Law & Order: SVU (NBC, 10pm):  “Benson and Stabler realize they’ve misidentified a murder victim at a wedding when the presumed deceased is found alive.” This is what happens when wedding guests don’t stick to their pre-assigned seats.
• The Locator (WE, 10pm):  “After learning as a teen that he was adopted and has a twin sister, a man still hasn’t found his sibling after years of searching.” This is one game of Hide-and-Seek he clearly did not win.

• The Vampire Diaries (CW, 8pm):  “Caroline makes a shocking discovery when her car breaks down during a storm.” Had she shopped around for better insurance, she could have gotten free towing.
• The Real Housewives of New York City (Bravo, 10pm):  “Bethenny and Ramona have a venomous argument while walking across the Brooklyn Bridge.” In next week’s episode: (Insert name) and (insert name) will have a (insert adjective) argument while (insert action) at (insert location).
• LA Ink (TLC, 10pm):  “When no one shows up to support Corey’s band, he wonders who his real friends are.” Although 300 people had accepted his Facebook friend requests, only 50 of them really remembered who he was.

• Dog Whisperer (Nat. Geog., 9pm):  “Cesar visits a neighborhood filled with problem pooches including a Labrador with a chewing problem.” He picked up the bad habit from his baseball player owner.
• What Not to Wear (TLC, 9pm):  “The hosts help a nudist find clothes she’s comfortable in.” Unhappy with what she ultimately chose, the hosts made her just take it all off.
• Medium (CBS, 9pm):  “Allison forges a friendship with a mysterious girl who materializes in her dreams, then sets out to protect her from being a serial killer’s next victim.” Her experience battling Freddy Krueger in Nightmare on Elm Street 3 made her a dream warrior.

• Ruby (Style, 8pm):  “Ruby visits Los Angeles with a former boyfriend and considers having plastic surgery.” Well, when in Rome…
• Family Guy (FOX, 9pm):  “It’s the day before the end of the world, and folks in Quahog look for ways to pass their final hours. But first, Peter has jury duty.” The jurors quickly decided to let the suspect die by total global destruction.
• What Chilli Wants (VH1, 10:30pm):  Series premiere. “The love life of TLC singer Rozonda ‘Chilli’ Thomas is examined in this reality series.” Am I the only one smelling a reunion with Usher?