(Make sure to check out TV Envy’s Programming Schedule.)

• How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8pm):  “Ted attends his mom’s wedding and is troubled by her affectionate relationship with the groom, which prompts Ted to make an impulsive decision regarding his life.” He needs to stop stringing women/fans along fast and find that other “mother"of his.
• House (FOX, 8pm):  “Wilson begins anew with an ex (Cynthia Watros).” Unfortunately, random visions of a man named “Hugo Reyes” keeps diverting her attention.
• Romantically Challenged (ABC, 9:30pm):  Series premiere. “Lawyer and mom Rebecca (Alyssa Milano) re-enters the dating scene after a 15-year marriage and looks to her clueless friends for advice and support.” I believe the last thing any girl wants to do is help Alyssa Milano find a man.

• The Biggest Loser (NBC, 8pm):  “The contestants eat at a buffet featuring a variety of foods.” NBC wanted to make sure the the leftovers from Conan O’Brien’s goodbye party didn’t go to waste.
• Glee (FOX, 9pm):  “When the glee guys begin to bully the girls, Will turns to the music of Madonna to give the girls an ego boost and teach the boys respect.” Men simply have no idea What It Feels Like for a Girl.
• Lost (ABC, 9pm):  “The Locke Monster’s camp merges with Jack’s, and alliances are forged (and broken).” The late discovery of a hidden immunity idol then threatens to change their fates completely.

• America’s Next Top Model (CW, 8pm):  “The women pose with big hair for a photo shoot.” It’s nice to see Glamour Shots getting back to what they’re good at.
• Fly Girls (CW, 9pm):  “Tasha has an altercation with a passenger and then accuses Farrah of reporting the incident.” It it hadn’t been for Farrah, the incident would have stayed between the two parties involved and the 10 people watching the show.
• Clean House: Search for the Messiest Home in the Country (Style, 10pm):  “A clutter-blind woman receives help.” She’s not going to like what she sees once she gets that LASIK surgery.

• FlashForward (ABC, 8pm):  “Mark and the team search for Demetri (John Cho).” Have they tried checking White Castle?
• Community (NBC, 8pm):  “Jeff and Troy protest a chicken-finger shortage on campus.” As part of Jamie Oliver’s food revolution, all community colleges have been wiped clean of chicken fingers.
• 30 Rock (NBC, 8:30pm): Special time. “Affairs of the heart jolt Jack, who must make a romantic choice between volatile anchor Avery Jessup (Elizabeth Banks) and unassuming childhood sweetheart Nancy Donovan (Julianne Moore).” How do you choose between two women who both starred in movies about pornos? Tough call.

• Gator 911 (CMT, 9pm):  “Gia wonders if she could rescue a gator while blindfolded.” I’m wondering if there’s anyone dumber than Gia.
• The Life and Times of Tim (HBO, 9:30pm):  “Stu uses his newly discovered table-tennis prowess to meet women.” His Craigslist posting for “Women Attracted to a Paddle” turned up a scary number of hits.
• Private Chefs of Beverly Hills (Food, 10pm):  “The chefs cater a CD release party for an heavy-metal band from the 1980s.” A word to the wise: Bananas flambee + Aquanet = recipe for disaster.

• The Amazing Race (CBS, 8pm):  “The teams race in Shanghai and must complete two Road Blocks. Two duos encounter confused cab drivers who push them toward elimination.” Ironically, the louder the Americans spoke to their drivers, the less willing they were to help.
• Brothers & Sisters (ABC, 10pm):  “Nora and Saul are forced to confront the declining health of their mother (Marion Ross).” I guess it’s safe to say these are not Happy Days.
• Girl Meets Gown (WE, 10pm):  “Two sisters pool their dress budgets to buy one gown that they can both wear in the premiere of this series.” You know you’re watching a reality show when an outfit gets worn more than once.