(You can view TV Envy’s Midseason Programming Schedule here.)

• Chuck (NBC, 8pm):  “When Chuck’s father is abducted by Fulcrum forces, Chuck attempts to rescue him by putting his faith in a most unlikely person—his double-crossing ex-girlfriend, Jill (Jordana Brewster).” Well, she is fast and furious.
• Dhani Tackles the Globe (Travel, 9pm):  “Dhani visits Spain’s Basque region to learn about jai alai, a fast-paced ball game that’s been called “ballet with bullets.” That’s one performance of The Nutcracker I would probably sit out.
• Roommates (ABC Family, 9pm):  “Hope’s father makes a surprise visit and tells her to come home because he’s unhappy with her job situation.” Doesn’t he, like, understand how hard it is out there? He’s so lame.
• 24 (FOX, 9pm):  “Jack’s daughter returns.” Because the worst day in Daddy’s life just wouldn’t be the same without her.

• Reaper (CW, 8pm):  “Nina tries to take Ben flying, but his fear of heights gets in the way.” His fear of demon sex was much easier to tackle.
• 90210 (CW, 9pm):  “Donna Martin (Tori Spelling) shocks Kelly and Silver with a surprise visit.” They thought she was still working at the Bed & Breakfast.
• Toddlers & Tiaras (TLC, 10pm):  “Profiling contestants at the Miss Darling Diva Pageant in Brooklyn, NY, including a 6-year-old who steals the show with a Tina Turner number.” Her “Private Dancer” number definitely had everyone’s attention.
• My Boys (TBS, 10:30pm):  “PJ receives a promotion and is given the honor of having her own newspaper column—but it remains uncertain whether the advancement was due to her writing talent or her looks.” And the problem is…?

• Better Off Ted (ABC, 8:30pm):  “Linda is accidentally dosed with an experimental drugs that gives her bursts of energy and unexpected side effects.” She unwittingly became a test subject for Paula Abdul’s perfume.
• Lost (ABC, 9pm):  “Hurley and a relucant Miles team up to deliver a package to a Dharma bigwig.” Miles never thought he could look good in a brown shirt and shorts.
• Pitchmen (Discovery, 10pm):  Series premiere. “Gel insoles and a solution to a GPS problem are pitched in the opener of the reality series that pairs inventors and entrepreneurs with two infomercial salesmen.” Those pitching “straight sex” will be accompanied by security.
• The Exterminators (A&E, 10:30pm):  “Billy hunts a bobcat that killed a family pet.” That is the cat that killed the rat that ate the malt that lay in the house that Jack built.

• In the Motherhood (ABC, 8pm):  “Emily and Jason worry about the temperament of their son’s imaginary friend.” Sounds like a job for the Imaginary Ghost Whisperer.
• The Office (NBC, 9pm):  “Andy comes to Jim’s emotional rescue.” Whenever he sings “The Rainbow Connection,” frowns are turned upside down.
• Making the Band (MTV, 9pm):  “Elsewhere, Dawn is determined to bounce back after Danity Kane‘s demise.” How’s she gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?
• The Millionaire Matchmaker (Bravo, 10pm):  “Patti reaches out to a psychic in an effort to gain wisdom about her own romantic lifeline.” Those who can’t do, teach. Those who can’t find love, tell millionaires they can.

• Wife Swap (ABC, 8pm):  “A wife from a family that lives in a log cabin with no electricity swaps with a mom from a wealthy, status-obsessed family.” Five bags of laundry will be coming along with her.
• Prison Break (FOX, 9pm):  Series return. “Michael and Sara hitchhike to Miami.” The economy has forced them to cut back on their vacation budget.
• Dog Whisperer (Nat. Geographic, 9pm):  “A pit bull named Britney Dawg knows lots of tricks, but little social etiquette.” She’s been known to leave the home without any leash on.
• Head Case (Starz, 10pm):  “Former Spice Girl Geri Halliwell deals with an identity crisis.” She really, really wants to be Geri, but really, really wants to be Ginger as well.

• The Courageous Heart of Irene Sendler (CBS, 9pm):  “Fact-based drama about Irene Sendler (Anna Paquin), a Polish social worker who saved nearly 2500 Jewish children from being deported to death camps during WWII by placing them with Polish families and in convents.” Unfortunately, her accomplishments deserve more than this title.
• Desperate Housewives (ABC, 9pm):  “The housewives reminisce about Edie.” Reminiscing = gossiping - the judging tone.
• Zombie Strippers (Spike, 10pm):  “In a small Nebraska town, a special government project unleashes a deadly virus that turns strippers into zombies in this campy horror yarn.” Their slow removal of clothing will have men running crazy.
• Keeping Up with the Kardashians (E!, 10pm):  “Khloe believes she is adopted, so she gets a DNA test.” She might not even be a real Kardashian? Even more reason for Trump to fire her!