(You can view TV Envy’s Midseason Programming Schedule here.)

• The Bachelor (ABC, 8pm):  “It’s down to Melissa and Molly as Jason bestows the final rose.” But first, two more quick trips to the hot tub.
• Rules of Engagement (CBS, 9:30pm):  Season premiere. “Audrey learns Russell is a closet Broadway musical fan, and uses the knowledge to blackmail him for theater tickets.” Tip: Blackmail is best used when Broadway shows aren’t closing.
• CSI: Miami (CBS, 10pm):  “A murder occurs onboard a yacht belonging to high-powered attorney Derek Powell (Sean Combs).” Blood at Diddy’s “White Party”? That’s gonna stain.
• Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (NBC, 12:30am):  “Jimmy Fallon’s inaugural show features Robert De Niro and Justin Timberlake.” Carson Daly has been working for years to get both these guys.

• Reaper (CW, 8pm):  Season premiere. “Sam, Sock and Ben return from vacation only to discover that they have all been fired from the Work Bench and evicted from their apartment.” This would be about the time most people start selling their souls to the Devil.
• 18 Kids and Counting (TLC, 9pm):  “The Duggars head to the San Antonio Independent Christian Film Festival, where they meet Kirk Cameron, their favorite movie star.” I now know why I don’t watch this show.
• The Real Housewives of New York City (Bravo, 10pm):  “LuAnn’s housekeeper returns after a month-long trip to the Phillippines—to the relief of LuAnn, who had been saddled with the extra house chores.” Dishwashing is murder to newly-manicured nails. I know.
• Toddlers & Tiaras (TLC, 10pm):  “A 7-year-old competes for the title of Ultimate Grand Supreme at the Southern Celebrity pageant in Inez, KY.” The prize? Free meals for life at Taco Bell.

• America’s Next Top Model (CW, 8pm):  Season premiere. “The ladies take part in a fashion show and bring classic childhood games to life in a Central Park photo shoot.” Recreating “Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board” should be a cake walk for someone.
• Little Miss Perfect (We, 10pm):  “A pageant veteran competes with a new girl who uses a 6-foot python in her talent routine.” Luckily for the vet, little Miss Spears has a reputation of lip-synching through her performances.
• Man v. Food (Food, 10pm):  “Adam visits SmokeEaters Hot Wings in San Jose, and has 10 minutes to eat 12 wings covered in habanero sauce without a beverage or condiments to cool the heat.” His tears should cool him down anyway.
• Make Me a Supermodel (Bravo, 10pm):  Season premiere. “In the first challenge, the models must create an intimate moment - in a glass box suspended high above the Big Apple.” I pity the fool who dares upstage Tyra Banks.

• Kath & Kim (NBC, 8:30pm):  “In order to prepare for Kath’s bachelorette party, Athena brews a batch of her special tea for Kath, Kim and Tina.” The secret recipe was passed down to her from natives of Long Island.
• The Office (NBC, 9pm):  “A ‘lonely hearts party’ at the office yields potential romances for Dwight and Kevin.” Hopefully their objects of affection are also aware of this.
• CSI (CBS, 9pm):  “Nick probes the murder of a troubled teen girl (Taylor Swift) at a seedy motel run by her parents.” Of all the teenage vocalists, Swift is not the one I would have imagined in a seedy motel.
• Celebrity Rehab Presents Sober House (VH1, 10pm):  “Andy makes amends to people he has harmed.” This list does not include those who have been assaulted by his work.

• Ghost Whisperer (CBS, 8pm):  “Melinda shocks Sam with a revelation that leaves their relationship faltering.” Despite what he’s been led to believe, she’s not the inspiration for “Your Body is a Wonderland.”
• Howie Do It (NBC, 8pm):  “A woman tries to maintain order backstage at Maury Povich.” Things can get quite chaotic on “Who’s Your Daddy?” days.
• Flashpoint (CBS, 9pm):  “An upper-class family is taken hostage during an apparent home invasion gone awry. The SRU team soon learn that the family’s nanny is involved, and they try to persuade her to cooperate.” Now they’ll know what it feels like to be trapped indoors with their children.
• Kitchen Impossible (DIY, 10pm):  “A homeowner tries to gut her kitchen on her own.” “Tries,” of course, being the operative - and hopefully comical - word.

• The L Word (Showtime, 9pm):  Series finale. “A detective (Lucy Lawless), puts the whole gang of girlfriends in jail while she attempts to get to the bottom of the mystery of who killed Jenny.” Xena? Girlfriends in jail? Someone’s sapphic dreams are coming true.
• The Celebrity Apprentice (NBC, 9pm):  “The players must design a comic-book character, then present it to an Internet executive.” Tom Green might just come in handy after all.
• Breaking Bad (AMC, 10pm):  Season premiere. “Walt and Jesse once again experience Tuco’s incendiary disposition, which leads them to the conclusion that it’s time to put an end to their business dealings with him, but the question is how.” You can only dispose of bodies in acid baths so many times.
• Candy Girls (E!, 10:30pm):  Series premiere. “The reality series focusing on a talent agency that casts women as ‘eye candy’ in music videos begins with an agency founder Danielle concerned about the performances of a new girl on a music video set.” Make no doubt about it: Being trashy takes talent.