(Make sure to check out TV Envy’s Programming Schedule.)

• Heroes (NBC, 8pm):  “Claire comes to an unexpected destination.” A new ratings low?
• Lie to Me (FOX, 9pm):  “Cal, Foster and Reynolds go all in to find a missing finalist from the World Series of Poker in Las Vegas, where Cal must determine if the other players are being straight with him about the disappearance.” The MIA player later resurfaced after making a royal flush.
• Hoarders (A&E, 10pm):  Season premiere. “The opener follows the efforts of an adult son to help his mother, a hoarder whose compulsive behavior led to the son’s removal from the home 14 years earlier.” He was sent away with enough underwear to last him a lifetime.

TUESDAY (12/1)

NOTE: A presidential news conference may interfere with the normally scheduled programming.

• 90210 (CW, 8pm):  “Liam and Dixon plot to tell Naomi the truth about her sister at the horse races.” They were too distracted to tell her during the football game.
• I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant (Disc. Health, 9pm):  “A woman suffers cramps and nausea after spending a day riding roller coasters, culminating in the birth of a child in an amusement-park restroom.” Unfortunately, medics had to use a FastPass to get access to the action.
• Scrubs (ABC, 9pm):  Season premiere. “J.D., Turk, Cox, Kelso and Denise take on a med-school teaching gig at Sacred Heart that finds them mentoring a new crop of students, whose first day of school is especially challenging.” It doesn’t help that every other show student is on winter break.

• The Middle (ABC, 8:30pm):  “Frankie is determined to promote harmony among her children after observing what she thinks is a perfect, loving family.” Unfortunately, her observations were based on just five minutes of Mad Men.
• Glee (FOX, 9pm):  “Budget cuts mean no yearbook photo for the glee club, but Rachel is the only one upset about this.” She was hoping for at least one photo without a Slushie on her face.
• Steven Seagal Lawman (A&E, 10pm):  Series premiere. “A series following actor Steven Seagal as he works as a deputy sheriff for the Jefferson Parish Deputy’s Office in Louisiana begins with Seagal and his team apprehending a carjacker follwing a high-speed chase.” I pity the fool who thinks he’s above the law.

• Bones (FOX, 8pm):  “Hodgins, Sweets and Intern Colin Fisher camp out for movie tickets ahead of its premiere.” The internet-free episode will take place during FOX’s version of Green Week.
• Community (NBC, 8pm):  “Annie learns about human anatomy in preparation for her health-fair presentation.” Several awkward teen years could have been spared had she studied earlier.
• The Office (NBC, 9pm):  “The kids won’t be all right. Michael must inform a group of children that he can’t fulfill a promise he made to them 10 years earlier.” Filming on their documentary went much longer than he originally anticipated.

• Jury Duty (VH1, 8pm):  “Laughter is ruled out of order in this feeble trial farce featuring Pauly Shore as an abrasive juror.” Laughter may also be ruled out of this movie…completely.
• Platinum Babes (WE, 9pm):  “High-style decor and clothing for a newborn are purchased by expectant parents. They also hire baby planners, yoga instructors, acupuncturists, aromatherapists and doulas to prepare for the baby’s arrival.” Must…not…judge…those supporting our economy.
• Stargate Universe (Syfy, 9pm):  Season finale. “A planet harbors a secret that threatens the Destiny.” Pluto’s “I’m really a planet” charade is also responsible for destroying many science books.

• JONAS (Disney, 8:30pm):  “Anya (Madison Riley), the president of the Scandinavian JONAS fan club, visits as an exchange student, and Stella helps her fit in when she is made fun of at school.” I believe ridicule kind of comes with that presidential position.
• Desperate Housewives (ABC, 9pm):  “A plane crashes on Wisteria Lane, endangering lives.” The good news? The neighborhood has now become a buyer’s market.
• The Girls Next Door (E!, 10:30pm):  “Hef and Crystal celebrate their first anniversary of being together.” For the occasion, Hefner gave out his usual paper anniversary gift—the Playboy centerfold.