(Make sure to check out TV Envy’s Programming Schedule.)

• Little People, Big World (TLC, 8pm):  “Molly fails a Spanish test and decides to stop speaking English until she masters the foreign language.” And you didn’t think anybody learned anything on this channel.
• Two and a Half Men (CBS, 9pm):  “Charlie’s male ego is bruised when he learns that he hasn’t been satisfying Chelsea.” Well, it has been a long time since he was a Hot Shot.
• Jon & Kate Plus 8 (TLC, 10pm):  “Jon and Kate reflect on changes in their lives and the ups and downs over the years in the series finale.” Just so I’m clear—would Jon’s weight be considered an up or a down?

• The Biggest Loser (NBC, 8pm):  “Suze Orman visits the ranch to explain the connection between health and wealth.” The wealthier you are, the more people you can hire to help.
• Dancing with the Stars (ABC, 9pm):  “A winner is announced in the ninth-season finale.” Will it be an Osbourne or an Osmond? My-a bets on neither.
• The Good Wife (CBS, 10pm):  “Chelsea Handler interviews Peter’s mistress on her show.” The woman is then promptly given her own show on E!

• The New Adventures of Old Christine (CBS, 8pm):  “Lindsay (Alex Kapp Horner) leaves her husband and moves in with Christine after Christine convinces her that being divorced is the key to happiness.” Christine’s advice is what led to Gary being unmarried.
• Cougar Town (ABC, 9:30pm):  “Thanksgiving dinner at Jules’ house includes Travis’ introduction of his girlfriend, and Bobby and Grayson’s discovery of a common bond.” Jules’ friend, Ross, also makes a quick appearance at the end of the meal to pick up his Moist Makers.
• Nip/Tuck (FX, 10pm):  “Erica learns troubling details about her new husband.” But he’s Gilles Marini—so do they really matter?

• Charlie Brown Thanksgiving (ABC, 8pm):  “Charlie is the hapless host and Snoopy is in the kitchen dishing up ice cream, popcorn and toast.” The fowl-free menu was created for Woodstock.
• Survivor: Samoa (CBS, 8pm):  “The first 27 days in Samoa are reviewed with footage not previously shown, including Russell creating chaos for the newly merged Aiga tribe.” Noting makes you feel more appreciative of your T-Day dinner than watching people starve themselves…on purpose.
• NBC’s People of the Year (NBC, 9pm):  “Matt Lauer profiles and interviews 2009’s most notable people, who provide candid reflections and address how fame has impacted their lives.” Just for clarification: “Notable” people and “fascinating” people aren’t necessarily on the same lists.

• Platinum Babes (WE, 9pm):  “A couple prepare for twins with a high-end nursery packed with custom details and a price tag of $40,000. The father-to-be also hosts his own baby shower in Palm Springs.” Nothing attracts platinum babes more than a man with a stroller or a man with his own baby shower.
• White Collar (USA, 10pm):  “Peter and Neal work a case based in Chinatown and face plenty of obstacles in the form of organized crime, shady Interpol agents and a game of Pai Gow.” A chopsticks-only meal also contributed to their troubles.
• Happily Ever Faster (TLC, 10pm):  “Planner Kati has her hands full dealing with a groomzilla who wants a wedding with a wow-factor.” First task: Finding him a bride who fits the theme.

• Soul Train Awards (BET, 9pm):  “Terrence Howard and Taraji P. Henson host the 22nd annual awards show honoring soul, hip-hop and R&B artists.” Since Miley Cyrus considers Jay-Z to be a “pop” star, he will not be eligible for any awards.
• Meet the Natives USA (Travel, 9pm):  Series premiere. “Five tribesmen from the remote Pacific island of Tanna arrive in the U.S. to experience life in America. Their first stop is Montana, where they get a glimpse of cowboy culture.” Assless chaps will be later introduced in San Francisco.
• The Girls Next Door (E!, 10pm):  “A film shoot for a video game takes place at the mansion.” In the Sims-esque game, all Playmate characters must stick to an allowance and return home before curfew.