(Make sure to check out TV Envy’s Programming Schedule.)

• How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8pm):  “Barney and Robin break up, and Barney gets serious about dating again by consulting his playbook containing all of his greatest techniques.” If Brett Favre can come out of semi-retirement, so can Barney Stinson.
• Castle (ABC, 9pm):  “The investigation into an ADA’s murder is threatened by Castle’s eagerness to help a call girl involved in the case.” Every John started as someone who simply wanted to help.
• Cake Boss (TLC, 10pm):  “Buddy constructs a cage-fighting cake.” The final creation involved blood, sweat and tears.

• The Prisoner (AMC, 8pm):  “Six tries to deep-six the killer.” Five would have just high-fived the guy.
• Melrose Place (CW, 9pm):  “Heather Locklear returns as Amanda Woodward, owner of the WPK agency. She promptly fires half the staff, including Caleb, and warns Ella that her future with the company depends on the success of the Anton V launch party.” Meanwhile, Katie Cassidy’s career rides on the success of this ratings ploy.
• The Hills (MTV, 10pm):  “Heidi hatches a plan to get pregnant—-with or without Spencer’s consent.” And if we’re lucky, it’ll also happen without his DNA.

• The New Adventures of Old Christine (CBS, 8pm):  “Christine sets Richard up on a blind date with a woman (Jennifer Grey) from her gym.” Christine said she “looks like that chick from Dirty Dancing, but with a drastically different nose.”
• Criminal Minds (CBS, 9pm):  “A serial killer who murders entire families is tracked, and the team seeks advice from one of the most vile criminals from the past, The Fox.” He proved to be quite chatty after dining on fava beans and a nice chianti.
• Modern Family (ABC, 9pm):  “Mitchell and Cameron plan a night out with a fun-loving friend (Elizabeth Banks).” They surprisingly enjoyed the film she made with Zack .

• CSI (CBS, 8pm):  “A murder at a bowling alley is investigated after an unusual piece of evidence is discovered during a bowling tournament.” Apparently a Wii controller was involved in the fatal head blow.
• The Vampire Diaries (CW, 8pm):  “Elena makes a devastating discovery that adversely affects her relationship with Stefan.” He stopped watching Degrassi once it got past Junior High.
• It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FX, 10pm):  “Dennis tells the gang how he seduces women, but none of them can get the hang of it.” They’re still trying to master the “Naked Man” ploy they had heard about.

• General Hospital (ABC, check local listings):  James Franco makes his debut on the daytime drama. His Pineapple Express goodie bags helped break the ice.
• Medium (CBS, 9pm):  “When an odd sensitivity to light affects her eyes, Allison must don a pair of sunglasses. But the shades bring into view mysterious numbers that might allow her to predict people’s life expectancies.” She knew Hank would never see his next Thanksgiving.
• Happily Ever After (TLC, 10pm):  Series premiere. “In the opener of the reality series that chronicles life at a Las Vegas wedding chapel, a chapel planner tries to get William Shatner to serve as best man for a Trekkie wedding.” Shatner found the event more appealing than a George Takei wedding.

• 2009 American Music Awards (ABC, 8pm):  “Taylor Swift leads all nominees with six nods.” One more win this month and Swift might meet Lady Gaga’s disco stick.
• The Simpsons (FOX, 8pm):  “Bart learns of a legendary prankster (voice of Jonah Hill) from Springfield Elementary s past and becomes fast friends with the joker, who s now 19 years old and hasn’t stopped doing pranks.” He went from Superbad to Supersad
• Californication (Showtime, 10pm):  “Charlie jeopardizes his job when he attempts to get Marcy away from his client Rick Springfield.” Unfortunately, it’s impossible to deny the singer’s “human touch.”