(Make sure to check out TV Envy's Programming Schedule.)

MONDAY (11/1)

• Rules of Engagement (CBS, 8:30 p.m.): "Jeff and Adam invent a game involving the heads of mannequins." The episode will feature special appearances by Andrew McCarthy and Kim Cattrall.
• The Women of SNL (NBC, 9 p.m.): "The spotlight shines on the female performers of Saturday Night Live in a showcase that features memorable past sketches and original skits." Shouldn't Lorne Michaels be focused on making one show a week good?
• Mario Lopez: Saved by the Baby (VH1, 10:30 p.m.): Series premiere. "Mario's girfriend Courtney Mazza is pregnant, and the couple prepare for parenthood. In the opener, the baby is three months away, and Mario hasn't quite grasped becoming a daddy." He's still trying to figure out that moment when he slipped up.

TUESDAY (11/2)

NOTE: Election coverage may interfere with regularly scheduled programming.

• 19 Kids and Counting (TLC, 9 p.m.): "The Duggars volunteer at their local fire department, and Anna makes special 'fire skirts' for the girls to wear." Probably not something you should wear in an actual fire.
• Billy the Exterminator (A&E, 9:30 p.m.): "Billy and Ricky try to rescue baby alligators from fire ants, but they anger the mother alligator." One should never interfere with a mother's punishment.
• 16 & Pregnant (MTV, 10 p.m.): "Felicia hopes to be the first in her family to graduate high school, but when her boyfriend stops supporting her and their baby, she may be forced to drop out." Thankfully, Us Weekly stepped in at the last minute to help out.

WEDNESDAY (11/3)

• Cougar Town (ABC, 9:30 p.m.): "Jules' 42nd birthday sparks the annual contest to see who can give her the best gift, but Laurie joins forces with Grayson in an attempt to dethrone perpetual winner Ellie." Unable to come up with a better show title, they gave up the birthday contest to Ellie.
• Harry Loves Lisa (TV Land, 10 p.m.): "Lisa reflects on her appearance and its effect on her career with her friends Denise Richards and Lara Spencer." Her voice might seem less annoying if her lips weren't so big.
• LA Ink (TLC, 10 p.m.): "Kat's Wonderland Gallery opens, and she surprises everyone by showing up to the opening with a new boyfriend in tow." No one expected Jesse James to (fake) support another lady anytime soon.

THURSDAY (11/4)

• Bones (FOX, 8 p.m.): "A skull found at a construction site is linked to a dancer's decision to switch from ballet to hip-hop." Note: Spinning on your feet and spinning on your head are two entirely different skills.
• Community (NBC, 8 p.m.): "Abed becomes a 'mean girl' to the delight of Britta, Shirley and Annie, whose encounter with a cruel classmate (Hilary Duff) leaves them reeling." They feel bad for calling her "Hannah Montana" -- but did she really have to him them with her husband's hockey stick?
• The Vanilla Ice Project (DIY, 9 p.m.): "Vanilla Ice's daughter's classmates help him install iron railing, repair walls and lay hardwood floors on the second floor." One might say he's sampling someone else's work.

FRIDAY (11/5)

• Dog Whisperer (Nat. Geog., 8 p.m.): "Actress Rhona Mitra needs help handling her bulldog, Oscar, who developed violent tendencies after a frightening encounter with a pit bull." Oscar put up with a lot of bull that night.
• What Not to Wear (TLC, 9 p.m.): "A therapist trades her bland wardrobe for something sexier as she reenters the dating scene." It's not so easy getting people to lie down outside of her office.
• Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team (CMT, 9 p.m.): "Rehearsals drag on and the first cuts of training camp loom." The episode will lead into a new CMT series: Dallas Cowboys Football: Saving the Team.

SUNDAY (11/7)

• The Simpsons (FOX, 8 p.m.): "Lisa falls for a vampire (voice of Daniel Radcliffe)." It's not often she meets bloodsuckers with an invisibility cloak.
• Family Guy (FOX, 9 p.m.): "Meg is going to a Halloween party dressed as a 'slutty cat.'" Let's just say the last-minute idea was Smelly Cat's fault.
• Kendra (E!, 10 p.m.): Season premiere. "Kendra considers posing for Playboy to feel sexy again." Flashing the gardeners through her bedroom window isn't cutting it anymore.