(Make sure to check out TV Envy’s Midseason Programming Schedule.)

• Heroes (NBC, 8pm):  “Hiro launches a rescue mission but has trouble communicating with Ando about it.” Hiro stopped paying attention to the program a long time ago.
• Conveyor Belt of Love (ABC, 10pm):  Series premiere. “A not-quite fly-by romance contest in which five women check out 30 men on a conveyor belt. The belt stops for 60 seconds to enable the guys to make to make their cases, and if two girls pick the same guy, he gets to choose.” Conveyor belt matches at sushi restaurants will become the new speed dating at bars.
• Hoarders (A&E, 10pm):  “A beekeeper manages his business, but his home is unkempt.” Those worker bees aren’t great at multitasking.

• The Biggest Loser: Couples (NBC, 8pm):  Season premiere. “Before arriving at the ranch, the players must step on the scale in front of family and friends in their hometowns.” The contestants will appear 10 pounds lighter to their friends than they will on television.
• Teen Mom (MTV, 10pm):  “Farrah starts to realize that she should stay home more with her baby.” Some moms never have that “aha” moment.
• Paranormal State (A&E, 10pm):  “A woman claims that a hooded figure haunts her home in rural West Virginia, and that the presence also haunted her deceased husband.” You knew Final Destination 5 was inevitable.

• The Middle (ABC, 8pm):  “Axl wants a car to impress a girl.” Axl, rock band singer, didn’t seem like a novel idea.
• Confessions of a Reality Show Loser (Disc. Health, 9pm):  “Following Erik Chopin as he tries to lose the weight he regained after losing 200 pounds to win the third season of The Biggest Loser.” Erik is an example of what the industry calls a “reality show double-dipper.”
• Tyler Perry’s Meet the Browns (TBS, 9pm):  “The privileged and well-tended London learns about being poor after her father blocks her cash flow.” Life is much easier for those named after Paris.

• Celebrity Rehab (VH1, 10pm):  Season premiere. “The season opens with a cast that includes Kari Ann Peniche, Mackenzie Phillips, Heidi Fleiss, Dennis Rodman, Mindy McCready, Lisa D’Amato, Mike Starr, Joey Kovar and Tom Sizemore.” It’s a cast of characters that could give any doctor grey hairs.
• BBQ Pitmasters (TLC, 10pm):  “Myron Mixon faces Chris Lilly, his archrival, at the American Royal Invitational in Kansas City, Mo.” SPOILER ALERT: The event will end with a meat injection and sticky fingers. I’ll let you put two and two together.
• The Real Housewives of Orange County (Bravo, 10pm):  “In the wake of an uneven year, Vicki concocts a lovey-dovey surprise for her husband.” Surprisingly, Donn likes it better when she travels without him.

• Shark Tank (ABC, 8pm):  Season premiere. “A biker botches his presentantation for a three-dimensional helmet.” The Sharks couldn’t view the product without the appropriate eyewear.
• Ghost Whisperer (CBS, 8pm):  “The Grandview radio station is haunted by a ghost seeking revenge over a broadcast in which secrets regarding his death were revealed.” Turns out they were just repeating stuff they read on TMZ.
• Numb3rs (CBS, 10pm):  “Don and his team investigate after scratch-off lottery tickets are stolen and one of the thieves is killed during the heist. The probe reveals that the slain robber is a former lottery winner.” Sounds like somebody’s numbers finally came up. (Sorry - had to be said.)

• The Simpsons 20th Anniversary Special: In 3D! On Ice! (FOX, 8:30pm):  “Filmmaker Morgan Spurlock (Super Size Me) interviews fans, cast members, writers and celebrities in this celebration of the first 20 years of Matt Groening’s subversive animated satire.” A documentary on Spurlock’s 30-day donut diet will air immediately after the special.
• Chuck (NBC, 9pm):  Season premiere. “The season opens with Chuck possessing new Intersect abilities. He trains to be an ace spy—-but he flunks spy school and his relationship with Sarah shatters.” He’s like James Bond without the skills…or the skills.
• Keeping Up With the Kardashians (E!, 10pm):  “Bruce pressures Rob to move out of the house.” There’s room for only one male moocher in that household.