(Make sure to check out TV Envy's Programming Schedule.)

MONDAY (1/17)

• Two and a Half Men (CBS, 9 P.M.): "Charlie can't get over Rose being married, and he begins to stalk her." He never realized she was a Heavenly Creature until now.
• Heavy (A&E, 10 P.M.): Series premiere. "Two 37-year-olds from Houston are profiled in the opener of a series following 22 individuals struggling with obesity as they try to adhere to a healthy regimen for six months." This isn't light fare we're talking about.
• Harry's Law (NBC, 10 P.M.): Series premiere. "Irascible attorney Harriet 'Harry' Korn is fired in the series opener and sets up her own practice in an abandoned shoe store." Her clients shouldn't be fooled into thinking they will Payless.

TUESDAY (1/18)

• What Not to Wear (TLC, 9 P.M.): "The hosts help a pastry chef who has low self-esteem, despite having a successful career." She's been feeling kind of doughy lately.
• Parenthood (NBC, 10 P.M.): "Haddie's parents catch her sneaking around with Alex and forbid her from seeing him again." For clarification: Dating someone who plays your sister is okay. Dating someone who is in AA is bad.
• Southland (TNT, 10 P.M.): "Lydia and Josie argue over a chainsaw." Never interrupt a catfight -- especially when a chainsaw is involved.

WEDNESDAY (1/19)

• American Idol (FOX, 8 P.M.): Season premiere. "The talent contest opens Season 10 with auditions. New judges Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler join returning arbiter Randy Jackson." The chances of us being tortured with hearing "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" has just increased tenfold.
• My Strange Addiction (TLC, 9 P.M.): "A woman insists on wearing her fur suit everywhere she goes." If you insist on spending that much money on a suit -- you should wear it everywhere.
• Hot in Cleveland (TV Land, 10 P.M.): Season premiere. "Elka is behind bars with an ornery cellmate (Mary Tyler Moore) while her friends try to find the money to bail her out." Her cellmate became much more pleasant once Elka shared her Snickers bar with her.

THURSDAY (1/20)

• Community (NBC, 8 P.M.): "Shirley has big news for the group now that her ex-husband (Malcolm-Jamal Warner) is back in her life." A spinoff of The Cosby Show -- starring Shirley and her ex -- will now follow them on Thursday nights.
• $#*! My Dad Says (CBS, 8 P.M.): "Ed decides to run for president of his homeowners' association after the current president (Jean Smart) complains that the cornstalks in his garden are too tall." He's always loved being in positions of power.
• Jersey Shore (MTV, 10 P.M.): "J-Woww breaks up with her beau." It's fair to say she "wowed" him with her news.

FRIDAY (1/21)

• Medium (CBS, 8 P.M.): Series finale. "Allison begins a new career as a lawyer and Joe lands a new job. These developments lead the couple in opposing directions and have a lasting impact on the DuBois family." Her later appearance on Real Housewives drove her embarrassed husband into hiding.
• Dog Whisperer (Nat. Geo, 8 P.M.): "A teacup poodle is overly aggressive." If you were treated like an Anne Geddes baby, you might be overly aggressive too.
• Fringe (FOX, 9 P.M.): "An Observer reaches out to the Fringe team to reverse a critical error." He's certain FOX's decision to move them to Fridays is a big mistake.

SUNDAY (1/23)

• Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (ABC, 8 P.M.): "A Georgia family involved in Girl Scouts has a new home built for them." Money from our their cookie jars will help pay for the project.
• Big Love (HBO, 9 P.M.): "Now that his private life is public, Bill takes another big risk by trying to bring more polygamists into the open so their voices can be heard." We now know who to thank for TLC's Sister Wives.
• My 40-Year-Old Child (TLC, 9 P.M.): "Profiling Nicky Freeman, a 40-year-old Australian man with a mysterious medical condition that's causing him to be trapped in a child's body." A rare example of a man-child with an excuse.