(You can view TV Envy’s Midseason Programming Schedule here.)

• 24 (FOX, 8pm):  “Jack is released from his Senate subcommittee hearing to help with the domestic threat and the investigation into former colleague Tony Almeida.” I can’t imagine what he would do to just to get out of jury duty.
• Kyle XY (ABC Family, 9pm):  Season 3 premiere. “Lori, Declan, Josh and Andy deal with the choices they made at the prom.” Whatever happens at prom, stays at prom.
• Man vs. Wild (Discovery, 10pm):  “An adventure in the jungles of Belize has the host reckoning with a 9-foot boa constrictor and a dangerous white-water river.” The longer the snake, the more skin to pee in.

• American Idol (FOX, 8pm):  Season 8 premiere. “The series kicks off with new addition Kara DioGuardi and returning judges Paula, Simon and Randy.” I pity the other networks.
• 90210 (CW, 8pm):  “Tabitha gives Annie and Dixon a new car without consulting their mom.” As if Lori Loughlin really serves a purpose on the show anyway.
• Homeland Security USA (ABC, 8pm):  “In Detroit, a man is questioned about the human skull and handguns found in his van.” The skull alone would not have been a problem.
• The Mentalist (CBS, 9pm):  “A high-school football star is murdered and a self-proclaimed witch says she cast a spell on him after he killed her cat.” Do all evil thoughts need to be confessed? Just wondering.

• Knight Rider (NBC, 8:00):  “Mike and KITT continue their mission to foil a terrorist and rescue an ambassador, but the quest turns even more perilous when a bomb is placed inside of KITT - and it will explode if the car is driven below a certain speed.” In this case, we (supposedly) care more about the mode of transportation than the people inside of it.
• Deaf and Blind Triplets (Discovery Health, 8pm):  “Deaf and blind triplets and the challenges facing their family are discussed.” And Jon and Kate thought they had it hard.
• 13: Fear is Real (CW, 8pm):  “A player wrongly accuses the killer and is punished for it.” It was like he was asking for it.
• Man v. Food (Travel, 10pm):  “Adam Richman heads to Boston’s Eagle Deli to try its famous Challenge Burger, featuring 5 pounds of beef, 20 slices of cheese and 20 slices of bacon.” Unbeknownst to Adam, the actual challenge is avoiding a heart attack.

• The Office (NBC, 9pm):  “Thanks to Michael’s running mouth, Andy finally learns that his beloved Angela had an affair with Dwight, a discovery that incites the two romantic rivals to square off.” NOTE: Friday Night Smackdown has just been moved to Thursdays.
• Randy Jackson Presents: America’s Best Dance Crew (MTV, 10pm):  Season 3 premiere. “New crews audition to be in the running for the title.” I’m afraid if I fall asleep, Randy, Simon and Ryan will take over my TV.
• Celebrity Rehab Presents Sober House (VH1, 10pm):  Series premiere. “In the opener, veterans of Celebrity Rehab voluntarily move into a sober house for three months to continue their recovery.” My New Year’s resolution? Watching other people quit their bad habits.
• The Beast (A&E, 10pm):  Series premiere. “FBI veteran Charles Barker takes his new partner on his first case—and undercover job trying to break up a weapons-smuggling ring—in the opener of a series starring Patrick Swayze as an unconventional vet paired with a rookie.” You go, Patrick.

• Everybody Hates Chris (CW, 8pm):  “Chris and Greg want varsity jackets to impress the girls, so they join the wrestling team.” Women love men they can easily pin.
• The Game (CW, 8:30pm):  “Tasha faces insecruties in her relationship with Rick Fox.” Well, he was married to a Miss America.
• Numb3rs (CBS, 10pm):  “A bus carrying tourists in Hollywood is hijacked, and the FBI is given only four hours to meet the criminals’ demands.” Demand for that action-packed Gray Line tour went through the roof following the incident.
• Battlestar Galactica (Sci Fi, 10pm):  Season return. “An interstellar warship protects survivors of a decimated civilization.” Okay, fine. After I watch the addicts recover, I’ll add this show to my resolutions.

Other Premieres: Flight of the Conchords (HBO), Secret Diary of a Call Girl (Showtime)

• The Simpsons (FOX, 8pm):  “Lisa befriends a new girl at school named Juliet (Emily Blunt), and the two quickly become inseparable. They end up writing a book about a fantasy word named Equalia, where they are queens, but the line between fantasy and reality blurs.” Having seen Heavenly Creatures, I know this can’t end well.
• Big Love (HBO, 9pm):  “Barb embraces the notion of adding Ana to the fold.” You can never have too many babysitters.
• The L Word (Showtime, 9pm):  “A member of the group of lady friends is murdered, and a number of them are considered suspects.” I guess “friends” would be a misnomer then, right?
• United States of Tara (Showtime, 10pm):  “Toni Collette stars as a wife with a personality disorder and a dysfunctional family.” Once you’ve had a kid who sees a ghost, dysfunctional is relative.