Kelly Clarkson says she hated life in the years following her American Idol win.

The original winner of the show in 2002 admitted that the show's makers were out for themselves as opposed to caring about her well-being: "I'm going to be completely honest - I had no one looking out for me. They were looking out for the show, and it was horrible. I was 19 years old. I was smart enough to know that it wasn't about me, but that didn't make it any easier. I'm all cried out about it, but my first four years, I hated my life; I almost quit a dozen times."

Now Kelly - who is dating her manager's son, Brandon Blackstock - says she is finally happy.

"Where's the kick in the ass? I told my assistant that today. I said, 'I'm just waiting for something to blow up.' She said, 'No, that's what happiness is.' I'm like, maybe I've never been happy! Because Brandon does - he makes me happy," she continued.