It has been a couple of weeks since I’ve written about Big Brother 9. While I’ve watched most of the episodes in between then and now, I have to say it was getting to be a bit like my on-again, off-again relationship with the soap opera One Life to Live. I’ve missed years at a time and still know exactly what the storyline is.

A quick recap of the past few weeks: James was voted out then quickly voted back in when the house guests were given the chance to either bring back a mystery house guest (Alex) who had already been evicted or bring back James. In an odd turn of logic, even some of the guests who gave James the boot voted him back in within a few minutes. (I think they feared the mystery guest was either super-annoying Amanda or super-annoying Jen.)

Once James got back in the house, he and Chelsia began a reign of terror that ended with Boston roofer Matt evicted and his former “soul mate” daft Oregon bikini barista Natalie vowing revenge. Later, under-the-radar king Adam won Head of Household. He nominated Chelsia and James for eviction but James later won the Power of Veto and saved himself. Adam then put Sharon up as a pawn next to Chelsia bringing us to tonight’s eviction: Chelsia is out.

The beginning of tonight’s episode had Natalie again vowing to avenge Matt’s eviction. Chelsia called her pathetic. Low-key queen Sharon was confident she wouldn’t be evicted since Chelsia had so few fans in the house. The Kansas realtor’s strategy was to lay low and read the Bible. Chelsia’s was to call people white trash and smash up their Easter eggs. More on that in a moment.

We see a touching scene with Crazy James trying to comfort a crying Chelsia. Chelsia admitted she’d be a lot better off if she hadn’t formed a close relationship with James. James waxes romantic about Chelsia as a small town girl with him as a crazy bicycle boy. They vow to maintain a relationship outside of the house. We’ll see how long that lasts after she learns about his past as a gay porn star and mulls over the fact that he voted to evict her.

Next, we see a montage showing how Natalie is dumber than a box of rocks. She talked about how she always thought Alzheimer’s disease was “all-timers” or “old-timers”. She got excited about painting Easter eggs, particularly one that shows Oregon, the beaver state.

It is well-established that Chelsia can’t stand Natalie, but something about the Easter egg situation set her over the edge. Chelsia began smashing the eggs to bits and yelling at Natalie about how she is dumb, white trash and gasp…not a very good artist. Natalie retreats to her bedroom to give herself a pep talk about how Chelsia is just jealous (true) and that she is only acting out because Natalie is her biggest threat (oddly true).

The other house guests shrink away in horror at Chelsia’s temper tantrum. Sheila muses that perhaps Chelsia has a cruel streak. Sharon counts her blessings and reads the Bible some more. Even Chelsia’s former partner James calls her a “huge, raging bitch” who doesn’t have a chance in hell of staying in the house.

Later in the diary room, we learn that all the house guests want Chelsia out. Natalie and Sheila are offended by Chelsia’s potty-mouth. Ryan considers her too good of a competitor to stay around. James likens her to the Titanic and fears she’ll take him down with her.

Next, we get a Julie Chen Q&A with Adam. On a side note: Can CBS please insist that she not call house guests by their nicknames? Hearing Julie Chen say “A-Baller” was a lot like when my Grandma tried to sing “Who Let the Dogs Out” a few years back…not good. We then get a montage of Adam mixed with comments from his mother and brother in New Jersey. They say that despite how he seems on BB9 (fast-talking, dumb, possibly insensitive to Autistic children), he is actually very caring and smart. We learn that Adam was a cub-scout and once had a curly-haired bob. Fascinating stuff.

Finally, we get to the live vote for eviction. In their final pleas, Sharon gives the stock ‘I’d really like to stay around’ speech. Chelsia decides to go in another direction and in a monologue dripping with sarcasm she pretty much insults all of them as having shed their dignity to win the game. Pretty sure that’s the point of being on a reality show but who am I to judge?

In the end Natalie, Joshuah, Ryan, Sheila and even James vote unanimously to kick Chelsia to the curb. She fires off a quick insult or two before hitting the door. She reminds Natalie of how uneducated she thinks she is, she tells Sheila she is rode hard and put away wet and basically calls Adam a tool.

In her one-on-one with Julie Chen, Chelsia says she has no hard feelings for James or Joshuah and hopes either of them win the game. Chen wonders, as pretty much everyone should, why she isn’t mad that James didn’t give her a sympathy vote like she did for him. Chelsia insists that she doesn’t care but then says she isn’t sure she’ll have a romantic relationship with him outside the house, at least not until after she watches the entire Big Brother 9 season (good plan).

Finally, in another dumb Head of Household challenge, a blindfolded Natalie wins HOH by guessing what America thinks about the remaining house guests. It is her first HOH win. Natalie’s plot to avenge Matt’s eviction will surely ramp up this week. Matt has surely moved on to another dumb broad, but you have to applaud Natalie’s tenacity. She deserves to win just for the blind loyalty to a bad man that has catapulted her to the top of the game.

The next episode of Big Brother 9 is Sunday night at 8 p.m. ET/PT on CBS. Natalie will make her picks for eviction then.