The theme of Big Brother 9 tonight is that “mean people suck” - and by people, I mean Joshuah. The Texas media buyer unleashed his seemingly bottomless fury on yet another woman in the house; this time it was Allison, the pharmaceutical representative from Boston.

First though, lets begin with the only real headline from the show: Head of Household couple Sharon and Joshua nominated couples Allison and Ryan and Natalie and Matt to be evicted. The actual eviction will happen live during Wednesday night’s BB9. The house also competed and won everything but carbohydrates in the food competition.

Now back to the beginning. Tonight’s episode began with Joshuah explaining why he was so hurt personally by Allison and Sheila’s plot to convince other house guests that they were a lesbian couple with an adopted son. The two women only told Joshuah and Chelsia. They kept the ruse up for about 10 days until they decided the lie wasn’t going to give them any advantages in the game and they came clean. At the time, Joshuah just seemed confused.  Now we learn his anger over their outrageous lie has been festering for days.

Joshuah says he felt personally violated by their lie, claiming Allison used his homosexuality against him. (Somehow Sheila has been absolved of any wrongdoing in this matter through a plot twist that I must have missed.) Right off the bat, after winning Head of Household with his partner Sharon, Joshuah rubbed it in Allison’s face saying he was going to use the opportunity to make her life a living hell. Then, much like an earlier totally over-the-top brawl with the now-evicted Amanda, Joshuah got right in Allison’s face. He called her a skank, a liar, a manipulator and even insulted her dress. Oh snap!

To his credit, homeless bicyclist James did tell Joshuah to chill out during the height of the brawl. That was it though; none of the other guys or girls standing around said a word as Joshuah verbally tore Allison a new one. (Character and personal integrity are not this group’s strong points, I think this is well established.)

Later, Ryan conceded that Joshuah just might be psychotic. Yah think? Allison was rattled by the incident, she broke down and cried. Allison told Ryan and Matt that they should be ashamed of themselves for not coming to her defense. Allison said if she was a man she would have defended anyone being verbally attacked like that. (If it’s any consolation, the men were just as ineffectual and emasculated during the Amanda-Joshuah incident. No one came to her defense either.)

Next, we learn that Allison hasn’t exactly been honest with Ryan. Apparently Allison never mentioned to her partner in the game that she and Sheila were claiming to be lesbian lovers to other house guests. (How this never got back to him in a house where there is nothing better to do than work-out and gossip is beyond me.)  Ryan confronted Allison, Allison basically blamed everything on Sheila and said the whole thing was a stupid joke that went too far. Ryan told Allison that she is manipulative and deceitful and has now put a target on his head as well.

Later, Allison got into yet another confrontation with Joshuah. This time though she was prepared with a few zingers to lob at him about his education and income level. He told her she was flat-chested, horrible and ugly. Again, not a nice bunch but then again nice people probably wouldn’t agree to be locked up with manipulative strangers while cameras record every second for 3 months either. And if they did, would you want to watch?

Sharon told Joshuah that he is getting too riled up and needs to stay away from Allison. The pair called a meeting in their HOH room with everyone but Allison and Ryan. There Sharon and Joshuah decided it is time for Allison and Ryan to go home.

A bit later, Allison tried to talk it out with Joshuah. Allison apologized for making him snap, told him she loved him and was his friend from the beginning and even claimed she and Ryan would do anything Joshuah said if he would just be nice to her. (Note to women everywhere: please never apologize to a man who insults your face, clothes, and personality on national television.)

In the middle of all of this, the house guests had another food competition, this one insulting to women on just about every level.  The women had to dress up in asparagus-themed unitards complete with asparagus headdress. The men only had to wear overalls. The object was for them to fill crates with an amount of asparagus equal to their female partner’s weight. Nothing like having your weight revealed to America while wearing a green, full-body leotard. Long story short: the house guests get to eat pretty much everything but carbs for the week, Matt and Natalie were the only team to fail in the competition and we learned that none of the women in the Big Brother house weighs more than 131 pounds.

After the competition, the house guests had a food fight with all of that asparagus. Again, I have issues with what appears to be a complete waste of expensive food for reality TV sake. Please CBS, Julie Chen, someone...tell me all of that goes to a food bank somewhere?

The only other house guests who got any play during this episode were Matt and Natalie. The Big Brother cameras caught them in bed with Natalie pleading with Matt to “cuddle” with her because she is “a girl and loves to cuddle.”  He resisted, finally gave in for a few moments then told her “that’s all you’re getting.” Then he reminded her for the umpteenth time not to get attached to him. He even made her swear to not get attached to him. She said she wouldn’t, then seemed sort of sad by all “the walls” he builds up. Just a guess - but those walls aren’t likely to come down.

We also learn that Natalie, the bikini barista from Oregon, is also something of an artist, at least in the county fair sense. She painted Joshuah’s portrait using sparkly fingernail polish on a paper towel. It actually looked like him in a spooky sort of way. Natalie has been cozying up to Joshuah, trying to get on his good side (if one indeed exists).

It didn’t help her too much though. In the end, Joshuah and Sharon nominated Natalie and Matt and Allison and Ryan for eviction. Natalie and Matt are allegedly pawns though they were last week too, it seems like they could have been let off the hook this week if they really are just “pawns”.

The next episode will have one couple in the house winning the Power of Veto. The next Big Brother 9 airs Tuesday at 9 p.m. ET/PT on CBS.