Elimination night on American Idol began with more cross-promotion. This time, it was Jim Carrey (star of an upcoming 20th Century FOX movie) in a weird elephant suit. During his banter with host Ryan Seacrest, the movie star cried out, “I love the show, I love the contestants.” Me, too…up to a point.

This promotional effort (which is probably totally unnecessary - the movie will bank big bucks whether Carrey parades around in a silly suit or not) was quickly followed by an announcement. “We’re changing the theme!” Ryan Seacrest announced, claiming that an avalanche of telephone calls and e-mails led the show to feature tunes from the Beatles next week as well. I’d like to venture a guess that the tenor of those comments was mostly in the I-didn’t-hear-what-I-wanted-to-hear vein and that next week, we’ll hear much more of the White Album. Just a guess, though.

Next came a quick early Beatles medley of songs, a mishmash of “All My Lovin’,” “I Feel Fine,” “Can’t Buy Me Love,” and “Help!” as performed by the Top 12. But as soon as the music faded, it was time to get to the real business of the evening: getting rid of one of them.

Carly Smithson, Michael Johns, Jason Castro and Syesha Mercado were bid to stand up first. Of these, only Syesha was not sent to safety. One of the bottom three vote-grabbers, Mercado was bid to sing what could be her final Idol song in a strange new twist. In previous Idol seasons, only those voted off get to sing. In this new Idol hybrid, we get treated to all the performances we summarily rejected in the past. Great. Syesha gave her song plenty of oomph and a great big finish all the same, while judge Paula Abdul looked on wearing a crazy silver jacket. Was anyone else terribly distracted by this huge fashion mistake? I could hardly watch the flipping show.

Next came the Ford video (I told ya so), this one featuring Idols singing Cake’s “Going the Distance” in a politically-themed montage. The video was incredibly brief, as room had to be made for an aggravatingly long clip which showed the Top 12 at a FOX movie premiere. Will you run right out and watch the same movie your Idols recently saw? FOX hopes so. With these promotions exhausted, our attentions were finally turned back to the business at hand.

Chikezie, Amanda Overmyer, Kristy Lee Cook and David Cook were bid to stand next. Of course it was Kristy, with her horrible country rendition of “Eight Days a Week,” who earned the dubious honor of making it into the bottom three and being forced to sing on the spot. How cruel this show is - I never in my life wanted to listen to her mangle that song again. Wearing a weirdly ugly outfit and with an even worse country lilt in her voice, Kristy threatened to make my ears bleed before joining Syesha off on the side of the stage.

Next, the show took the calls from viewers and I slowly slipped into ultimate boredom and a complete loss of patience. Seriously, was anyone interested in this? The first question was for Jason Castro, something about which of the judges would you be if you could be one of them. Instead of giving the answer we all would have said (Simon, who else?), Jason took a diplomatic route and chose all three of them. Bor-ing. The next call was from some poor schlep who’s tried out for the show six times and been rejected each time. He wanted to know how to get into the show. “Get another job,” Simon Cowell suggested. “Keep singing right straight to Simon,” was Paula’s advice. The next caller wanted to know when Ryan Seacrest and Simon Cowell, who continuously bicker betwixt themselves, are just going to “duke it out on stage.” Ah, never, because Cowell would turn Seacrest into mincemeat pie. Ryan’s thoroughly odd reply was “load in the mud, I’m ready.” Save that sort of TV trash for E!, Seacrest. The next caller wanted to talk to Simon (don’t we all) and asked whether it’s the Americans or the Brits who have more singing talent. “I will concede the American singers have the most talent,” Simon answered off-handedly, “However, on the judging panel, the Brits.” I’ll buy that.

Katherine McPhee, accompanied by David Foster on the piano, came on stage to sing George Harrison’s “Something.” It was boring, took forever, and almost made me change the channel. I hated her dress, never liked her in the first place, hated the whole thing. Finally, she was off the stage.

David Hernandez, David Archuleta, Ramiele Malubay and Brooke White were called to the center of the stage. All but David Hernandez were quickly dismissed and sent back to safety, while Hernandez tried to keep a grip on both his composure and his confidence. He failed miserably at both and looked exactly like a bear caught in a trap as he began to desperately sing the song he hopelessly bombed just the day before.

And there they were, the bottom three. Randy Jackson said that America picked “probably the right bottom three.” Paula said (this is a direct quote) “I’ve never seen a more stronger bottom three.” And Simon in clipped tones announced that, “I think America got this absolutely spot-on.”

In a blur Syesha and Kristy were sent back to safety (seriously, after that Kristy Lee is still on this show?) and David Hernandez was left standing on stage with his Idol dreams a wreck amongst the footlights. Seacrest told him to address his fans. “Honestly, things happen for a reason,” he began. “You’ll see me at the top!” Hernandez promised before he was whisked off stage. Ruben Studdard’s new exit song (“Celebrate Me Home”) was then debuted as Hernandez’s exit clip was played. Neither was very good.

And there you have it. David Hernandez was sent home, Kristy Lee Cook will live to completely demolish another Beatles song next week, and perhaps on Tuesday we’ll hear much bolder performances from the remaining eleven. Who can even pay attention to Idol action when the promos are inundating every available second of programming? The elimination was almost an afterthought in-between the cross-promotional efforts. And yet, oddly, FOX wonders why ratings and record sales are sliding. The network is already making multiple millions during every commercial break - do I have to sit through an entire live broadcast filled with advertisements as well?