American Idol kicked the night off with an unbelievable April Fool’s joke just for fun, before it got around to the business of honoring mentor Dolly Parton. I will say, however, that I think Simon Cowell would be fabulous on The Moment of Truth - and ratings would be through the roof.

Singer/actress Dolly Parton is a superstar, award-winning and top-selling, both in the box office and in the recording studio. But she’s still a southern girl with charm, admits to wearing false eyelashes and even wigs, and maintains that endearing girlish giggle no matter how many years pass. What’s not to love about Dolly? As a mentor, she proved sweet and encouraging with all the contestants. Were the judges just as kind?

Brooke White began the night with “Jolene,” giving the performance a very “down home” sort of feeling as she appeared on stage with the band close by. It felt a little off at the start, but Brooke actually delivered a performance that was more upbeat than her usual ballad blah. I still wasn’t that into it. Randy Jackson felt the music suited Brooke, but said the performance was not “stellar.” Randy finished by saying, “it was all right.” Paula again told Brooke “you are consistent,” and said White has a true “emotional connection” to her songs. Simon disagreed, saying it lacked emotion throughout and that the band looked “odd.” He finished by adding that it “wasn’t one of your best performances.”

David Cook appeared in the interview room next, and host Ryan Seacrest casually asked him about his song arrangements (the very thing which has lit the entertainment media aflame recently). Cook gave credit where credit was due and the matter was quickly swept under the rug as he promised to do an original arrangement for his upcoming performance. The whole thing was quite masterfully done, but what do expect from the number one show in the country? They have the best PR minds possible working for them.

Cook’s original interpretation of “Little Sparrow” didn’t impress me much. He again mumbled through much of it, reminding me why I’ve accused him of poor enunciation in the past. It was a little slow-paced and actually somewhat boring, lacking Cook’s usual edge. Randy said it was “very cool” that he did his own arrangement and found it to be a “hot, consistent performance.” Paula Abdul gushed “I like your haircut,” and said of the performance, “it was fantastic.” Simon Cowell likewise seemed to enjoy it all, and it became clear to one and all that Cook is still very much a favorite of the show.

The news is all over today that Cook was rushed to the hospital immediately following his performance. Current reports say David was treated for high blood pressure after complaining of heart palpitations, but he has subsequently been released. I’m sure the matter will be addressed this evening and not to worry, it’s said that Cook is doing well and will be rarin’ to go next week (should he have the chance to do so). Enough of him.

Ramiele Malubay sang the completely unrecognizable (at least to me) “Do I Ever Cross Your Mind.” She seemed to lack confidence as usual, appearing a little stiff especially near the start of her performance. But she displayed her usual good vocals and gave the song a big finish. Randy said he “wasn’t jumping up and down,” over it, but found it “pretty good.” The final rating? “Six and a half out of ten,” Jackson judged. Paula was “proud” of Ramiele and felt she “really connected.” Simon Cowell was blunt. “Look, we’re not gonna remember this in ten years,” he told her, deadpan, calling the performance “cute” and likening it to a “cruise ship” number.

Jason Castro, who was surprisingly in the bottom three last week, really needed to step up to the plate on “Travelin’ Thru.” He did, offering a very relaxed, upbeat performance. Randy thought he had a rough start, but found it “kinda cool” and “pretty good.” Paula thought it was “one of your strongest,” and found him “comfortable” and “confident.” She said his voice was “strong and rich.” Simon Cowell finally satisfied the devil in me and made a crack I’d been waiting to hear all night. “This is where I lose my season pass to Dollywood, because I didn’t like that a’tall.” Cowell told Castro he didn’t like the singing, or think the music suited Jason.

Carly Smithson belted out “Here You Come Again” quite beautifully, offering her usual strong performance. The song choice was good, but Carly can actually do much more with her voice and she gave the song another weird ending. Not to mention, she wore yet another odd outfit - something I’ve been harping on for about six weeks now. This girl has the voice of a diva, but the look is totally wrong. Randy called it “one of the better performances of the night.” Paula found Carly “glorious” and exclaimed “oh my God!” Simon Cowell “thought it was good, didn’t think it was great,” and finally said something about this girl’s wardrobe. “You’ve got to start looking more like a star,” he informed her. It’s true. I’ve been talking about her poor clothing choices for a while now, and it needed to be said. Ryan Seacrest of course got into the middle of the whole thing, asking “what’s the issue tonight?” of Cowell.

David Archuleta softly sang “Smoky Mountain Memories.” The performance was incredibly heartfelt, the outfit incredibly bizarre, and the finish strong. Randy cried out “that was the best performance of the night!” Paula told him “you have a beautiful aura about you,” and I won’t even make a snarky comment about that. Simon Cowell called the performance “absolutely on the money.”

Kristy Lee Cook, looking better than usual, chose the uber-countrified “Coat of Many Colors,” one of Parton’s biggest hits. Cook offered a quintessential country sound to go with the quintessential country song, and even sat on the stage in her bare feet. Well, I guess that’s as country as it gets. Randy told her “country music is definitely your wheelhouse.” Paula told her “you look stunning,” and found it to be a “beautiful performance,” calling it Kristy’s best. Simon found it “pleasant, but forgettable.” I wish I could, Cowell…I wish I could.

Syesha very bravely chose “I Will Always Love You,” officially one of the most impossible songs to perform in the world. When a diva like Whitney belts that tune out the way she did it, everyone else just has to stop trying. So I clenched my teeth in fear when Syesha took the stage, sitting on the piano to sing the song very softly. Her hair looked great, and her voice was totally on as usual. Syesha was soft throughout much of the number, but then got really big toward the end - really putting it on. Randy told her “you took on the biggest tiger of the night,” and found it just “all right.” Paula loved Syesha’s “velvety tone” and told her “I love it.” Simon didn’t seem to like it, but I found it absolutely incredible.

Michael Johns closed the show with “It’s All Wrong, But It’s All Right.” I was really into the performance, but the whole time I was busy asking myself “is he wearing an ascot?” and it was all quite distracting. He gave the tune a bluesy feeling, showing off a good bit of his range. Randy thought it was a “blazing hot performance.” Paula told him “you’re a star.” And Simon? “I think this is the best I have heard you sing,” Cowell stated.

Tonight it’s all about the results show, and which one of them will be going home. But even this is at least partially eclipsed by another scandalous hour of The Moment of Truth - truly titillating TV. Which one will you talk more about on Thursday?