The American Idol Top 9 results show began, appropriately enough, with a montage. The remainder of the episode would feature much more of the same, as it always does.

As eliminated contestant Alexis Grace watched, Ryan Seacrest announced that 36 million votes were tallied to bring us the Wednesday results. The host spent a few moments talking with Randy Jackson on the subject of song choice. “Maybe it was too wide,” said Jackson, referring to the theme of Tuesday’s performance round.

“For me, it’s about knowing who you are, and delivering that confidence with conviction,” Paula Abdul stated. “Go for it!” She advised the Idol group. “Anoop, Matt, Megan,” Simon Cowell went through a list of those he thought might want to worry about the upcoming results.

The Ford video (clip above) followed, another poorly-done attempt at entertainment set to music. Seriously, these are growing steadily worse as weeks progress.

Next, the Top 9 performed a Journey tune that is truly as played-out as it possibly could be. Everything has a limit, people. For the group number, Scott MacIntyre played the keyboard as Idols danced around him, many of them wearing ill-advised outfits.

“We have your results!” Ryan Seacrest promised, just before he turned to waste more time introducing clips. The viewers were treated to a little selection that shows us how busy all the Idol contestants are during their time on the show. After the clip, Danny Gokey stood up and did his very best Matt Giraud impression. Anoop Desai then became Kris Allen, replete with weird faces. Allison Iraheta then did two very funny impersonations of Danny Gokey.

But even fun must end on Idol. Megan Joy, Matt Giraud and Kris Allen were asked to stand up to hear their results. All three were moved to the far side of the stage. This group seems to definitely be in danger, based on past Idol viewer voting history this season.

Adam Lambert, Lil Rounds and Allison Iraheta also became a group, and if first impressions mean anything I figured they were all safe on sight. Scott MacIntyre, Danny Gokey and Anoop Desai remained. These three were placed to the right of the stage, nearest the judges.

But which group was which? The audience would wait awhile before they could find out. David Cook, winner of the seventh Idol season, returned to the stage to sing his newest single. With his trusty guitar in tow, Cook looked and sounded the same as last year - and the fans seemed to eat it up. The tune was pretty catchy, and Cook seems well-suited to success. He was very charming during his segment with Ryan Seacrest. His tour, by the way, has recently been extended.

Cook was awarded a plaque to commemorate his debut album, which has officially gone platinum. “Thank you, everybody,” he told the crowd.

It was time again for results. Seacrest moved to the Allen, Joy, Giraud group - Kris Allen first. He was pronounced safe and sent off stage, the first of the Top 9 to breathe a big sigh of relief. The host turned to Matt Giraud. Kara DioGuardi is “one hundred percent” convinced he should stay. Giraud narrowly escaped last week, but this week he’s very much safe. He was the first to join Allen in the safety zone. Seacrest turned his attentions to Megan Joy. When she was told to move to the bottom three stools, Megan walked toward them while flapping her arms and making a squawking sound.

I am not making this up.

Ryan Seacrest moved to the Rounds, Lambert, Iraheta group - attention was turned to Lil Rounds first. She was pronounced safe and enjoyed the pleasure of sitting. Iraheta moved to stand in the spotlight next…and strangely, she’s again in the bottom three. I just don’t get this. Adam Lambert is safe, of course.

Only the group of MacIntyre, Gokey and Desai remained. Danny Gokey was the first to find safety, joining the ever-growing group on the big couch. Randy Jackson figured Anoop Desai was the one in the bottom three, opposed to Scott MacIntyre, and Randy was right. MacIntyre was moved to the couch, while Desai made his lonely way to the stools.

Allison Iraheta, Megan Joy and Anoop Desai were the bottom three performers of the week. Joy and Desai were both a given on the evening (neither got very good comments from the judges), but Allison Iraheta has been consistently wonderful. At any rate, the results would have to wait.

First, Lady Gaga performed one of her weirder-than-weird songs at a pink piano. She delivered a spasmodic performance with utterly unintelligible lyrics, rocking (as usual) a totally bizarre appearance. The background dancers were as odd as they could have been, and the number only got worse when Gaga stood to really deliver the song. I’m just not a fan.

With smoke rolling around the stage, Ryan asked Simon Cowell how many of the bottom three might be worth saving. “One,” he replied. Well, it doesn’t get more succinct than that.

The results returned with the bottom three at center stage. Allison Iraheta was sent back to safety quickly, as well she should have been. After receiving hugs from Joy and Desai, she scampered to the safety of the big couch. Megan Joy was very quickly placed up on the chopping block. She hugged Desai, grinned at the camera, and prepared to sing.

“I’m not even going to pretend that we’re going to contemplate saving you,” Simon Cowell was very point-blank about it all. “So, this is your swan song.”

Well, it’s about bloody time. Megan Joy then warbled her way through her terrible song choice for a second time. How the audience found the enthusiasm to scream is absolutely beyond me.

With Joy’s elimination, however, one door opens for another Idol. Now that their horse is out of the running, the Vote for the Worst pick is a free-for-all next week. Who will take Megan’s place as the anti-Idol site’s voting pick?

Whichever one of them is deemed to be as bad as Joy…if such a thing is even possible.

Megan then took the time to deliver a speech. “Judges, I love you, America, I love you,” she started to cry as she said her good-byes. Then, Megan’s clip played and the resident Idol beauty (and bad singer) was sent off stage. With any luck, we’ll never have to hear her sing again.

(You can find all the American Idol 8 posts here.)