When I first started writing this, I had every intention of trashing Ellen DeGeneres’ talk show meltdown from earlier this week. My thoughts on the subject have, however, changed somewhat. Despite this, I do still feel that Ellen’s sob story during the opening moments of her daytime talk show were ridiculous. To tell your audience that you can’t be funny and do your show as usual because “things are going so terribly wrong right now” seems to be a little - er - melodramatic. This isn’t the week following September 11, 2001. There hasn’t been some horrible death in your family. You haven’t been stricken with an incurable illness - deal with it. More horrible things have happened.

With that said, I move on with my thoughts.

I have been reading a lot about the events that led up to this doggie-drama and here is the gist of it: Ellen adopted this dog from the Mutts and Moms rescue agency. Ellen paid to have the dog neutered (Bob Barker would be proud), trained and cared for until the dog arrived at her home. Upon receiving the dog, Ellen realized she could not handle the added responsibility and decided to give the dog to a good family - her hairdresser’s family, who already has one pooch and a couple kids. The family took the dog, giving Ellen constant updates on the dog’s progress with the family, and had cared for it for about a month.

The Mutt Moms called Ellen to see how little Iggy was doing. Ellen explained what she had done and - oh, the horror - the dog was sent to a loving family? Well, this would not do as the Moms had not adequately researched into what kind of home this dog was given to. Nevermind that Ellen had bought the dog, cared for it, and as legal owner, decided to give it up because she could not care for it. Nooo, that’s apparently not how these things work. You see, Ellen signed a paper stating that if she couldn’t care for the dog that it had to be given back to the dog Moms.

In a stroke of, “how convenient” for the Mutt Moms, they somehow “forgot” to add Ellen as the new owner on the micro-chip imbedded in Iggy’s neck. So when the frumpy Mutt Mom showed up at Iggy’s new home, she busted in and scooped up the dog saying that the family was not the rightful owners. Of course, when the cops show up at the family’s home and scan the chip, it lists this Mutt Mom cow as the owner - not the family OR Ellen. So this lady is allowed to take the dog and bring it back to her little puppy prison where she tosses it back in a cage instead of the fluffy pile of pillows it could have enjoyed at this family’s home.

Did Ellen kind of F’ up? Yeah, she missed some fine print. But there just comes a time when the normal, good, genuine, logical human-beings are separated from the absolute scum of society. And the moment of clarity in this story, the moment where I genuinely felt for Ellen and this family, came when I watched the video of this freakin’ self-righteous, attention-seeking bitch from Mutts and Moms holding the dog in this family’s backyard. At that moment, the hairdresser’s daughter, the one who supposedly cared for the dog most, approached the woman in an attempt to see the dog. What did this F’ing cow do? Like some pouty toddler, she turned her back to the little girl and walked around the yard, turning her back to the kid each time she approached as if she would do some harm in looking at the dog.

The nerve of a grown woman to barge into a family’s home, take the dog they had grown to love and then proceed to prevent a child from even looking at it. Are you kidding me? And in one of the most laughable quotes since Miss Teen South Carolina, this Mutt Mom beast told Access Hollywood: “My life is being threatened, this is horrible. I rescue dogs. I can’t believe this.” Are you insulting my freaking intelligence? Really? What did you rescue this dog from? From a loving, caring (and wealthy from the looks of it) family? Maybe you are getting death threats because you are a self-important, heartless beast who wouldn’t know the difference between a dog rescue and an evening of entertainment at Michael Vick’s.

You should be ashamed of yourself you fat-faced phony. And although I still generally disagree with Ellen’s over exaggerated cry-fest on her talk show, I think it’s good that it happened to her because maybe it will put a dumb pig like this Mutt Mom out of business. This dog has every right to be cared for by someone who is going to give it everything it needs to live a long and healthy life. If Ellen was deemed an eligible candidate to begin with, you are - in effect - saying to her that you trust her judgment enough to care for this animal. If Ellen was good enough to give a dog, and thus, is sensible enough to care for it, why is it not acceptable for her to choose new owners when she (was responsible enough) to realize she was not up to the task?

This Mutt Mom woman doesn’t love to rescue dogs - she loves to be able to look herself in the mirror at night and tell herself, “you’re a good person, you can sleep well tonight.” You don’t love animals, you pig - you love you. And guess what? Nobody else does. Sleep on that.