Adam Jasinski began this season of Big Brother 9 by offending millions of developmentally disabled children and their parents. He ends the season hopefully making good on a promise to donate $100,000 to make their lives better.

Jasinski, an alleged public relations flak for a now defunct Florida-based autism group, won BB9 thanks to a six to one vote by a jury made up of seven of his former house mates. Despite some reservations as to who actually played the better game, he or Ryan… Matt, Natalie, Sharon, James, Chelsia and even scorned ex-partner Sheila voted to give 29-year-old Jasinski the $500,000 grand prize. Only Joshuah threw his support behind Ryan Quicksall, the 27-year-old college student from Ohio. Ryan will take home $50,000, sure to be spent quickly by his annoying girlfriend and ex-house mate Jen.

A third house guest walks away with a cool $25,000 as well. During the live broadcast on the East Coast, viewers voted online for their favorite Big Brother 9 jury member. The winner was homeless bicyclist extraordinaire, James. Sheila (my favorite, only because it is slim pickings and she looks damn good for 46) came in second. 

The season finale began with the obligatory recap of all the evictions thus far: First Jacob and Sharon, then Jen and Parker, then Sharon came back because Neil had to go home for undisclosed family reasons, then Amanda and Alex were evicted, followed by Ryan and Allison but only Ryan got to stay because right after that the ‘Til Death Do Us Part alliances were split and Allison was out. Next came James who got to come right back in to the BB9 house after house guests chose to bring James back rather than let in an already ousted “mystery house guest” voted on by America (by the way America chose Alex but he never actually made it inside). After James came back Matt got the boot, followed by Chelsia then Joshuah, James once and for all, Sharon then finally Sheila. Stay with me, now.

After the recap we got to hear what the jury thought about the two remaining contestants. They mostly agreed that Ryan played a good game both physically and mentally even though he was manipulative and two-faced. The jury thought Adam was a bit more sneaky by playing all sides and proclaiming loyalties he didn’t actually have (Sheila) and by seeming like everyone’s best friend.

Next the jurors got to ask each contestant one question. Matt asked them both what they’d do if they won the money. Adam said he’d use $100,000 to create an after-school program to help autistic children. Ryan said he’d use the money to help his Mom, Jen and himself… oh and yeah, give some to some kind of charity, or something. Joshuah called Ryan’s “the worst answer ever”.

Sharon asked Ryan why he lied to her and wasn’t loyal like he said he’d be. Ryan insisted he was loyal until the very last minute when he decided to go with “Adam’s gut” and oust Sharon over Sheila. Frankly this was probably a smart play since God-fearing, motherly, kind and under-the-radar Sharon would surely have won the big prize when head to head with any of the other soulless pack of losers in the house.

The always bitter and twisted Chelsia then asked Ryan why he would stick with girlfriend Jen after Jen told other house guests Ryan was a racist. Now that is a good question, I totally forgot about that! Ryan said he loves Jen and wants to be with her no matter what. (After all, what is a little reputation-shattering slander against someone you’re intimate with when there is money on the line?)

Next the also wickedly twisted Joshuah basically asked Adam why he was such a tool who let Ryan do the dirty work by throwing competitions for Head of Household. Adam, in his usually incoherent way, tried to explain that the game had to be played on so many levels: physical, mental and emotional. Joshuah scolded Adam for screaming back his answer and not talking to the jury with respect. Joshuah was the only jury member to vote against Adam in the end.

James asked Adam why he was a better choice to win over Ryan. Adam said he turned a bad situation (getting stuck with Sheila in the beginning) into a positive, was a straight shooter and managed to “minimize risk” whatever that means.

Natalie asked both guys why they didn’t try harder to get her to the final three. I’m guessing both were just being nice when they DIDN’T tell her it was because they probably couldn’t stand to spend another three minutes trapped in a confined space with her bizarre loud-pitched ramblings about the power of numbers, God’s will and her love for Matty and the Beaver state, but I digress.

Finally Sheila asked Adam why he lied to her when he told her he’d do whatever he could to take her to the end. (In the last episode Ryan won HOH and the sole power to evict either Sheila or Adam. Ryan evicted Sheila. Some jury members think Adam threw the competition so he wouldn’t have to be the executioner to his former partner in the game.) Adam’s answer was that basically it wasn’t his responsibility to get Sheila to the end and that he was handicapped the entire game by his association with her. And yet she still voted for him to win! She-bot, why, why, why???

Next Ryan and Adam got to plead their cases for why they should win the game. Ryan admitted he wasn’t proud of some of the things he had done but that he played a “stand up game” and didn’t really talk too much trash about other house guests. (I suppose that’s true to some extent though he didn’t stand up for some of the women in the house while they were being verbally assaulted by Joshuah, that has always bothered me about him.) Adam said he should win because of his high-minded plans for the money and because of the one-on-one personal relationships he’d developed with all of them.

After that taped segment, we get to see the jury members live in studio with Julie Chen . James celebrated the season finale by wearing his same ratty pink tee-shirt and blue stretch pants. Natalie looked like a Solid Gold dancer in her usual hootchie mama get-up and Chelsia like some poor-man’s Posh Spice. They got to say some last few words then cast their vote. The only clever statement came from James. He said he hoped the person he voted for would “party away this money”.

After that we got a quick reunion with all the house guests where the only interesting thing said was that Jen still can’t stand Allison (Ryan’s partner in the game). Allison said while she has no hard feelings for Jen and never had any romantic feelings for Ryan, she thought it was wrong for Jen to call her boyfriend a racist on national television to sabotage his game. Have to agree with that one. In another awkward scene Adam saw the tape of how Joshuah faked his crying jag to win Adam’s sympathy. Adam just looked confused or like his mic wasn’t turned on.

In the end the votes came down. Adam won $500,000. Ryan takes home $50,000 and America’s favorite juror, James, gets $25,000. Adam said at the end of the show he’d give the money to Autism United for an after school program. A quick search of the Internet suggests that organization is no longer in operation and that Adam hasn’t worked there since January (before the show began airing).

Adam stirred up a hornets nest of controversy on the February 13 episode when he told a fellow house guest that if he won BB9 he’d open a hair salon so that “them retards can get it together and get their hair done”. Adam was billed as a public relations worker for Autism United. Several autism groups demanded that CBS yank the show and apologize. Clearly that never really happened and now Adam is the big winner of season 9. Hopefully he will make good on his promise and use the money for good.

As for the organization he worked for before Big Brother began, it has since shut down operations. The non-profit’s founder, former NFL player Olaf Hampel told South Florida’s Sun-Sentinel that Autism United only raised $6,000 during it’s 9-month life-span and that Jasinski only worked there for three months. Hampel apologized for Jasinski’s comments as well, calling them “irresponsible, misleading and unprofessional.”

Either way, Adam’s fellow house guests didn’t seem to mind his offensive comments, grating New Jersey accent, oddly cryptic way of talking or his blank stares. He goes home a half a million dollars richer. Big Brother viewers go home wondering where the last three months of their lives went and how they can get them back.

If you feel like you need to hear more incoherent ramblings from either Adam or Ryan, they’ll be on CBS’ Early Show talking with Julie Chen on Monday morning. Meanwhile, the next installment of Big Brother begins July 13 on CBS.