As most of you probably know by now, LeBron James and Dwyane Wade will be signing three-year extensions with their respective teams, the Cleveland Cavaliers and Miami Heat. For both, there will be a fourth year player option…

... but I really don’t think they’ll be taking it.

Yes, yes, yes, I know. It’s four years from now, that is to say 48 months or 1461 days from now (there is a leap year, right?), or about the time it takes your fat mama to put a belt around her waist. Ugh, sorry for that last comment, but I have to admit that I actually watched MTV’s Yo Momma hosted by Erik Estrada’s love child, Wilmer Valderrama, but I promise you I hated myself every second. Anyway, back to the talented ballers and not the non-talented wannabe’s that somehow still get prime babes like Mandy Moore and Lindsey Lohan. WTF?

Okay, I am making a prediction here, folks. I am looking four years ahead when James and Wade’s contract will be over. Are you ready? Strap yourself in for this monumental statement… LeBron James and Dwyane Wade will be playing together on the New York Knicks.

OH SHIZNIT! WHAT? YOU ARE DUMB, D! STRAIGHT UP BANANAS!

Listen to me. This season, the New York Knicks are going to be an improved joke, meaning they’ll be slightly better than their 23-59 record last season. Sort of like the Family Feud transitioning from Louie Anderson as the host to Richard Karn - a little bit better, but still bad. Anyway, that said, Isiah Thomas will not make the significant improvement he’s needs to make, prompting the worst owner since Pandora with her little box, James Dolan to fire Thomas.

So, as a total publicity stunt, Dolan runs a contest for Knicks fans to see if THEY could do any better, the winner becoming coach AND the general manager! And straight out of Hollywood, Whoopi Goldberg wins the “Okay, Let’s See You Do It” contest. Many fans think it’s a rigged job and heavily protest. However, after looking at the videotape and seeing the results of the tiebreaker, it can easily be seen that Whoopi beat out Spike Lee in the “who has the hairiest armpit” tiebreaking question.

Later on, it would be revealed by Oliver Stone that the contest was indeed rigged and that Dolan felt that Whoopi had the experience and could improve the team as she did before in the movie, Eddie.

In any case, that brings us to the third year. After finishing 30-52 the previous season under Whoopi, a six game improvement from Isiah Thomas’ last hurrah with the Knicks, Dolan signs Larry Brown to coach again, but also be the general manager. At the press conference, Dolan tells the media that Coach Brown was the person he always wanted to stay, but due to Isiah Thomas having blackmail materials on him (hence Thomas staying on the job about three years longer than he should have), Dolan had no choice but to defer to Thomas. About a week before the press conference, photos of Dolan with one Noxeema Jackson were printed in the New York Post’s Page Six section. With no other choice, but to admit his love for manly women (or is it womanly men), Dolan plays the New York media like a violin. This moment is noted as “the only time in his life Dolan did anything right” up in heaven.

In any case, the New York Knicks eventually trade point guards Stephon Marbury and Steve Francis, acquiring Allen Iverson who is FINALLY traded from the Philadelphia 76ers after years of trying. Led by Iverson, All-Stars Channing Frye, Greg Oden, and Rookie of the Year, O.J. Mayo, put up an incredible 75-7 record on their way to a championship.

A month later, Larry Brown quits the Knicks to become part-owner in the new expansion team, the Las Vegas Elvis.  This moment is noted as “the time when Larry Brown gave a big F-U back and doing what he was going to do previously anyway” down in hell.

In a panic and unable to find anyone to coach and manage the team - as no one wants to follow a record-breaking season in New York nonetheless - Dolan decides to do the job himself.  Fully displaying his basketball ineptitude, Dolan trades five-sixths of the championship team to save money, keeping only Oden and Mayo because he likes the sound of their names, as well as their cheap contracts.  The Knicks finish in Bizarro fashion, compared to the previous season, with a 7-75 record.

Villified as the Death of a Potential Dynasty, Dolan trolls around dive bars and transvestite restaurants in New York City trying to find inspiration.  One day, Dolan trips while walking down the sidewalk, but was lucky to avoid injury and scratches thanks to his tight leather bodysuit.  In any case, upon recovery and taking off his mask, Dolan looks to see what it is he tripped on and sees that it’s a discarded Sports Illustrated magazine with Dwyane Wade and LeBron James on the cover with the headline - “So Where Do They Go Now?”  Part inspiration/part concussion, Dolan decides right then and there that the duo would be going to New York!

A week later, at a press conference, Dolan introduces LeBron James and Dwyane Wade as the newest players for the New York Knicks as well as his partners in Dolan’s other ventures - Radio City Music Hall, Madison Square Garden, and Cablevision.  It is also announced that the world famous Rockettes will now be known as the Bronettes, Cablevision will change its name to Dwyanevision, and that the rumors of Dolan and Noxeema looking to reconcile are true.

Now, call me crazy, BUT I think that this will come to pass.  You heard it here first - LeBron, Dwyane, and James (and Noxeema) will be a match made in heaven.