“Stop being such a p**sy. Learn how to skillfully manipulate women into becoming gamers!” is Mr. Destructoid’s rather tongue-in-cheek response to Hardcore Gamer’s “How to Transform Your Girl into a Gamer” lessons, which Destructoid unequivocally states do not work. Mr. Destructoid advocates that far more drastic measures be taken. In his own Six Step Program, Mr. Destructoid says to forgo the niceties and go straight for the jugular – in other words, “you must lie, manipulate, bribe, and be a total jerkoff.” For instance, gamers should look to the gorilla for inspiration when trying to change their girlfriends into a more acceptable model.

The highlights of Mr. Destructoid’s Six Step Program are: “Step 1: Study Alpha Males,” “Step 2: Flip the Arguments on Her,” “Step 3: Shower a Lot – Like 10 Times a Day,” “Step 4: Employ Peer Pressure,” “Step 5: Make Gaming Expensive and Unattainable,” and “Step 6: Nuke Feminine Resources, Rip Out Her Soul.” In short order, you will “upgrade her ass to a next-gen version.” Either that or be in jail… You decide.

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