[quote author=“paypalme”][quote author=“snak3y3z1001”]My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome and didn’t really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn’t say a word. She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me.” I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.
A young couple was golfing one day on a very exclusive course
lined with million-dollar houses. On the third tee, the wife
sliced her shot right through the large front window of the
biggest house along the course. They walked up, knocked on the
door and heard a voice say, “Come on in.”
When they opened the door, they saw glass everywhere and a
broken bottle lying on the floor. A man on the couch said, “Are
you the people who broke my window?”
The husband began to apologize, but the man cut him off,
“Actually, I want to thank you, I’m a genie who was trapped in
that bottle, and your wayward shot released me. I’m allowed to
grant three wishes, so what I’d like to do is give each of you
one wish, and I’ll keep last one for myself.”
“Fantastic!” said the husband. “I want a million dollars a year
for the rest of my life.” “No problem,” said the genie, “it’s
the least I can do.”
“I want a house in every country in the world,” said the wife.
“Consider it done,” said the genie, “and now for my wish.
Because I’ve been trapped in that bottle, I haven’t had sex in a
really long time. My wish is to sleep with your wife.”
The husband looked over at his wife and said, “Well, we did get
a lot of money and all those houses…If you don’t mind honey, I
don’t either.” The wife agreed.
The genie took her upstairs and had his way with her for 3 hours. After
he was through, the genie looked at the wife and asked, “How old
is you husband, anyway?”
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator says: “Calm down, I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: “OK, now what?”
On the top of a tall building in a large city, there was a bar. In this bar, a man was drinking heavily. He would ask the bartender for a tequila shot, then walk out to the balcony and jump off.
Minutes later, he would appear in the elevator and repeat the whole process. This one guy watched this happen a number of times until curiosity got the better of him. Finally, he went up to the man and asked, “Hey, you keep drinking, then jumping off the balcony. And yet, minutes later, you’re back again. How do you do it?”
“Well, the shot of tequila provides buoyancy such that when I get near the ground, I slow down and land gently. It’s lots of fun. You should try it.”
The guy, who was also quite pissed out of his gourd, thought to himself, Hey, why not?’ So he goes to the bar, drinks a shot of tequila, then walks out to the balcony, jumps off, and whooooooooooooo, splat.
The bartender looks over at the first guy and says,
Ok, I actually like babies, but I can still laugh at these jokes, because despite their sickness they are still kinda funny.
Why did the baby fall out of the tree?
Because he was dead!
What is better than a dead baby?
The revoked child-support.
What’s the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies?
You can’t unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork?
So you can tell which ones are still alive.
[quote author=“Tighr”]Oh god, not the dead baby jokes.
Ok, I actually like babies, but I can still laugh at these jokes, because despite their sickness they are still kinda funny.
Why did the baby fall out of the tree?
Because he was dead!
What is better than a dead baby?
The revoked child-support.
What’s the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies?
You can’t unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork?
So you can tell which ones are still alive.
A penguin’s car breaks down so he has it towed to the garage. The mechanic needs some time to check it out so the penguin goes to get an ice cream. Well, as he’s a penguin and has flippers he can’t hold the cone very well and gets it all over his face. He returns to the garage and asks “So what happened”? to which the mechanic says “It looks like you blew a seal.” :lol:
My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome and didn’t really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn’t say a word. She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me.” I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.
Ok That joke up there about the guy getting lost and stuff is, of course, false…In reality there are only three things going through a guy’s head while he’s driving, or pretty much anytime, and those are 1.) Girls (Naked Girls to be exact) 2.) Sex and 3.) Pizza.
[quote author=“snak3y3z1001”]My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome and didn’t really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn’t say a word. She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me.” I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.
“The moral of this story is:”
“Always keep your condoms in your car.”
Is that a joke, or is that really what happened to you?
[quote author=“Acrylic”][quote author=“snak3y3z1001”]My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome and didn’t really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn’t say a word. She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me.” I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.
“The moral of this story is:”
“Always keep your condoms in your car.”
Is that a joke, or is that really what happened to you?
If so, you’re quite a noble person.
I’m hoping that’s sarcasm…=P but I’ve heard that story before so it’s not his real story but I’m sure he got it from Reader’s Digest or something haha
[quote author=“Tighr”]On the top of a tall building in a large city, there was a bar. In this bar, a man was drinking heavily. He would ask the bartender for a tequila shot, then walk out to the balcony and jump off.
Minutes later, he would appear in the elevator and repeat the whole process. This one guy watched this happen a number of times until curiosity got the better of him. Finally, he went up to the man and asked, “Hey, you keep drinking, then jumping off the balcony. And yet, minutes later, you’re back again. How do you do it?”
“Well, the shot of tequila provides buoyancy such that when I get near the ground, I slow down and land gently. It’s lots of fun. You should try it.”
The guy, who was also quite pissed out of his gourd, thought to himself, Hey, why not?’ So he goes to the bar, drinks a shot of tequila, then walks out to the balcony, jumps off, and whooooooooooooo, splat.
The bartender looks over at the first guy and says,
“Superman, you’re an ####### when you’re drunk.”
hahhahahhah I was cracking up when i read this.. hahahah
DAD SAYS: Ah, well, my son, one day you will need to find out anyway…
Mom and dad got together in a chat room on MSN. Dad set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cybercafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and then your mother downloaded from dad’s memory stick.
As soon as dad was ready for an upload, it was discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall. Since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later the blessed little virus appeared. And that’s the story.
