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THE JOKE THREAD - Make me laugh!
Posted: 13 May 2005 06:04 PM   [ # 51 ]     [ Ignore ]   [ # 51 ]  
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[quote author=“AndrewRGearLive”][quote author=“Andreux”][quote author=“Acrylic”]Smells like fish from what I’ve heard. :|

Have you heard the phrase ever? “If it smells like chicken, keep on lickin’. If it smells like trout, GET DA F*CK OUT!!” 😛

I believe it goes “If smells like fish and tastes like chicken, plug your nose and keep on lickin”

:o!!!

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Posted: 13 May 2005 06:30 PM   [ # 52 ]     [ Ignore ]   [ # 52 ]  
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lol, so you like nasty, offensive jokes, huh?

Well, what’s so good about forty eight year olds?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There’s forty of them!  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :|  :sick:

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Posted: 14 May 2005 03:08 AM   [ # 53 ]     [ Ignore ]   [ # 53 ]  
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[quote author=“POG”]lol, so you like nasty, offensive jokes, huh?

Well, what’s so good about forty eight year olds?

I’m sure you could figure out a way to fit Michael Jackson into that :p

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There’s forty of them!  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :|  :sick:

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Posted: 14 May 2005 03:41 PM   [ # 54 ]     [ Ignore ]   [ # 54 ]  
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[quote author=“DrummerGirl81”]Lena’s car breaks down on the Highway 8 just outside of
Lindstrom one day. So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road.  She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk.  Out of the
trunk jump two men; Lars and Sven in trench coats who stand at the
rear of the vehicle where they are facing oncoming traffic and begin opening their coats, exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers.

    Not surprisingly, this causes one of the worst pileups in
history of the highway.  It’s not very long before a police car shows up.  The cop, clearly enraged,runs toward Lena’s vehicle yelling, “What
the hell is going on here?
 
“Ya, vell my car broke down,” says Lena, calmly.
   
“Okay, so what are these perverts doing here by the road?” asks the cop.


  (Are you ready?)


  (Are you sure you’re ready?)


Lena replied, “Vell, officer….... dose are my emergency flashers!”
:lol:

did you get that from Weeks of Fun? (it’s a great email joke list :D )

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Posted: 15 May 2005 07:14 AM   [ # 55 ]     [ Ignore ]   [ # 55 ]  
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[quote author=“benplaut”][quote author=“DrummerGirl81”]Lena’s car breaks down on the Highway 8 just outside of
Lindstrom one day. So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road.  She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk.  Out of the
trunk jump two men; Lars and Sven in trench coats who stand at the
rear of the vehicle where they are facing oncoming traffic and begin opening their coats, exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers.

    Not surprisingly, this causes one of the worst pileups in
history of the highway.  It’s not very long before a police car shows up.  The cop, clearly enraged,runs toward Lena’s vehicle yelling, “What
the hell is going on here?
 
“Ya, vell my car broke down,” says Lena, calmly.
   
“Okay, so what are these perverts doing here by the road?” asks the cop.


  (Are you ready?)


  (Are you sure you’re ready?)


Lena replied, “Vell, officer….... dose are my emergency flashers!”
:lol:

did you get that from Weeks of Fun? (it’s a great email joke list :D )

I dunno, my mom sent it to me.  thats probably how she got it!  😊

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Posted: 30 May 2005 03:26 PM   [ # 56 ]     [ Ignore ]   [ # 56 ]  
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I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me. And my
girlfriend? She was a dream!
There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed. That one thing
was her younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts, and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate.

She never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome and didn’t really want to overcome.
She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

I was in total shock and couldn’t say a word. She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me.”

I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house and walked straight towards my car.


My future father-in-law was standing outside.


With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test.
We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.”

The moral of this story is: ..

 

 

 

 

 

 

Always keep your condoms in your car

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Posted: 30 May 2005 03:30 PM   [ # 57 ]     [ Ignore ]   [ # 57 ]  
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Total Posts:  725
Joined  2004-12-22

[quote author=“kmg9000”]I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me. And my
girlfriend? She was a dream!
There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed. That one thing
was her younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts, and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate.

She never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome and didn’t really want to overcome.
She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

I was in total shock and couldn’t say a word. She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me.”

I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house and walked straight towards my car.


My future father-in-law was standing outside.


With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test.
We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.”

The moral of this story is: ..

 

 

 

 

 

 

Always keep your condoms in your car

Haha, I’ve seen that somewhere. Hilarious.

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Posted: 30 May 2005 04:19 PM   [ # 58 ]     [ Ignore ]   [ # 58 ]  
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(Jokes from memory…):

Sex is like bridge… If you don’t have a good partner you better have a good hand :lol:  :lol:  :lol:

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Posted: 05 June 2005 05:20 PM   [ # 59 ]     [ Ignore ]   [ # 59 ]  
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The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, “Since you’ve been such a good man and your motorcycles

have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven.”

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, “I want to hang out with God.

 

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, “Okay, so you were the one who invented motorcycles, eh?!”

 

Arthur said, “Yeah, that’s me…”

 

God commented: “Well, what’s the big deal in inventing something that’s pretty unstable, makes noise

and pollution, and can’t run without a road?!”

 

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke, “Excuse me, but aren’t you the inventor of woman?”

 

God said, “Ah, yes.”

 

“Well,” said Arthur, “professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

(1). There’s too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion

(2). It chatters constantly at high speeds

(3). After they get some miles on them, most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble

(4). The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust

(5). And the maintenance costs are outrageous!”

 

“Hmmmm, you may have some good points there,” replied God, “hold on.”

God went to his Celestial super-computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.

The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

 

“Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,” God said to Arthur,

but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours”.

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Posted: 05 June 2005 05:24 PM   [ # 60 ]     [ Ignore ]   [ # 60 ]  
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Ha! I like that, evilXhwnd 😛

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Posted: 06 June 2005 05:54 AM   [ # 61 ]     [ Ignore ]   [ # 61 ]  
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[quote author=“Andreux”]Ha! I like that, evilXhwnd 😛
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Posted: 26 July 2005 07:39 PM   [ # 62 ]     [ Ignore ]   [ # 62 ]  
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Brian Hester invited his mother over for dinner.

During the course of the meal, Brian’s mother couldn’t help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian’s roommate, Stephanie, was. Mrs. Hester had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and Stephanie, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two react, Mrs. Hester started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Stephanie than met the eye.

Reading his mom’s thoughts, Brian volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Stephanie and I are just roommates.”

About a week later, Stephanie came to Brian saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don’t suppose she took it, do you?”

Brian said, “Well, I doubt it, but I’ll send her an e-mail just to be sure.”

So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mother:

I’m not saying that you “did” take the gravy ladle from the house, I’m not saying that you “did not” take the gravy ladle; But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love, Brian

Several days later, Brian received a letter from his mother that read:

Dear Son:

I’m not saying that you “do” sleep with Stephanie, and I’m not saying that you “do not” sleep with Stephanie; But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

Love, Mom

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Posted: 27 July 2005 07:35 AM   [ # 63 ]     [ Ignore ]   [ # 63 ]  
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[quote author=“Andreux”]Brian Hester ... Love, Mom

Good One Andreux

 Signature 

http://www.pacats.com

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Posted: 27 July 2005 08:37 PM   [ # 64 ]     [ Ignore ]   [ # 64 ]  
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[quote author=“munkyxtc”][quote author=“Andreux”]Brian Hester ... Love, Mom

Good One Andreux

yes, quite good!  😊

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Posted: 27 July 2005 09:06 PM   [ # 65 ]     [ Ignore ]   [ # 65 ]  
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i liked both evil’s and andrews 8)

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