Little Johnny came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigormortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Johnny said, “Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why is his legs sticking in the air?”
His father thinking quickly said, “Son, that’s so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven.”
“Gee Dad that’s great,” said little Johnny. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Johnny rushed out to meet him yelling, “Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!”
“What do you mean?” said Dad.
“Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, “Jesus I’m coming, I’m coming” If it hadn’t of been for Uncle George holding her down we’d have lost her for sure!”
[quote author=“snak3y3z1001”]My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome and didn’t really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn’t say a word. She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me.” I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.
Lena’s car breaks down on the Highway 8 just outside of
Lindstrom one day. So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Out of the
trunk jump two men; Lars and Sven in trench coats who stand at the
rear of the vehicle where they are facing oncoming traffic and begin opening their coats, exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers.
Not surprisingly, this causes one of the worst pileups in
history of the highway. It’s not very long before a police car shows up. The cop, clearly enraged,runs toward Lena’s vehicle yelling, “What
the hell is going on here?
“Ya, vell my car broke down,” says Lena, calmly.
“Okay, so what are these perverts doing here by the road?” asks the cop.
(Are you ready?)
(Are you sure you’re ready?)
Lena replied, “Vell, officer….... dose are my emergency flashers!”
:lol:
