What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a
room together?

100 people who don’t do d1ck.

Dumb Blonde Joke:

Homer walks into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sits down next to this blonde at the bar and stares up at the TV. The 10:00 news was just
starting.

The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looks at Homer and says, “Do you think he will jump?”

Homer says, “You know, I bet he’ll jump.”

The blonde replied, “Well, I bet he won’t.”

Homer placed $20 dollars on the bar and said, “You’re on!”

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive
off of the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset and handed her $20 dollars to Homer and said, “All is fair. Here is your money.”

Homer replies, “I can’t take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o’clock news and knew he would jump.”

The blonde replies, “I did too, but I didn’t think he’d do it again.”

hmm lets see..i got a few…....
A joke my bio teacher told us
a mushroom walks into a bar and says hey bartender ill have a beer
and the bartender says..im sorry but we cant serve you and the mushroom says aww cmon im a funguy.  its one of those jokes that actually takes some thinking…

thats all i can think of right now..

[quote author=“Nijado”]hmm lets see..i got a few…....
A joke my bio teacher told us
a mushroom walks into a bar and says hey bartender ill have a beer
and the bartender says..im sorry but we cant serve you and the mushroom says aww cmon im a funguy.  its one of those jokes that actually takes some thinking…

thats all i can think of right now..

:|    :lol:

I don’t wanna… hrmph…

how about a riddle?

scott’s mother has four children.  their names are…

Eenie, Meenie, Miney, and…?

scott

😛

Revived!!!

muahahahaaaa

-=relik

Sorry… this was ripped from another site, so it’s not mine (is a joke really anybody’s):

True story, I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome and didn’t really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn’t say a word. She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me.” I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family. 

“The moral of this story is:” 
“Always keep your condoms in your car.”

The infamous eagles joke

Two climbers were climbing roped together in the Scottish Highlands.
They saw some eagles soaring above them.
Later the climbers slipped over the edge of a precipice and unfortunately plunged to their deaths.
Their souls left their mortal bodies and ascended to heaven.
As they rose they saw the same eagles and one soul cried out to them: “Ah - Eagles”
But the eagles, being polite, said nothing.

[quote author=“thehess99”]Sorry… this was ripped from another site, so it’s not mine (is a joke really anybody’s):

True story, I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome and didn’t really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn’t say a word. She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me.” I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family. 

“The moral of this story is:” 
“Always keep your condoms in your car.”

:lol:  :lol:

Awesome!!!!

-=relik

[quote author=“thehess99”]Sorry… this was ripped from another site, so it’s not mine (is a joke really anybody’s):

True story, I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome and didn’t really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn’t say a word. She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me.” I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family. 

“The moral of this story is:” 
“Always keep your condoms in your car.”

HAHA that was a good one.

What’s the difference between light and hard?
It’s easier to pee with a light on.

[quote author=“illwon”]What’s the difference between light and hard?
It’s easier to pee with a light on.

:lol:

This one will get me killed by the ladies:

How do you know when a woman will say something smart?
When the first thing she says is “This one time a man told me…”

What did the redneck say right before he died?

Hey, watch this!!!

8)

:|

[quote author=“AndruGearLive”]What did the redneck say right before he died?

Hey, watch this!!!

8)

:|

LOL That is awesome….... stupid rednecks =\

[quote author=“8link”]The infamous eagles joke

Two climbers were climbing roped together in the Scottish Highlands.
They saw some eagles soaring above them.
Later the climbers slipped over the edge of a precipice and unfortunately plunged to their deaths.
Their souls left their mortal bodies and ascended to heaven.
As they rose they saw the same eagles and one soul cried out to them: “Ah - Eagles”
But the eagles, being polite, said nothing.

Um, okay, I am a ditz, and I admit it, but is this joke supposed to go over my head or something

It is said that it was used at Cambridge University as an intelligence test for undergraduates - those that got it were intelligent.
In reality, it is a simple and stupid joke.  Which is what makes it so infuriating, I suppose.  I’ll give it a little more time and then will start dropping hints.

It is said that it was used at Cambridge University as an intelligence test for undergraduates - those that got it were intelligent.
In reality, it is a simple and stupid joke.  Which is what makes it so infuriating, I suppose.  I’ll give it a little more time and then will start dropping hints.

Well, eagles can’t talk….... I got that the first time, but I am missing what’s so funny :(

It has to do with what the eagles would say.
I never said it was funny.

[quote author=“8link”]It has to do with what the eagles would say.
I never said it was funny.

got it.  feel stupid for missing it.  not cambridge material apparently.

funny, though 😊

[quote author=“8link”]It has to do with what the eagles would say.
I never said it was funny.

Amen =\ Har de har har—gotta drop a friend off at da airport, wub ya, bye!

I have yet to understand the Eagle joke.  :x

Yeah, I’m still trying to figure it out, too…