The Fig Cap:

“Yo!”

“Yao!”

“Yo. we’re not on the same team for this thing. So you change.”

“No, you change.”

“Yo!”

“Yao!”

“Okay, fine, I’ll change, but you have to pay me some cash.”

“Can I write a cheque?”

The premise: (Feel free to skip down if you have been here with us before!)

The rules are simple. 64 of today’s biggest stars, plus some fantasy forces and a few players of the “x-factor” ilk have been chosen to participate in this exercise. Assume each player is in perfect health and in peak condition, based on their current age and abilities, as well as their ability to work with a team mate. Players are teamed up randomly and each match-up is also determined randomly. Suppose these pairs of players play each other in a game of two-on-two: games to 11, two points for a three-pointer, and losers out (this is a change from last year’s one-on-one tourney where it was winners out). You can make your comment after each article. Please vote just once for each match-up. If you are so inclined, feel free to make up an imaginary commentary of how you see the battle going down and I will try to include your input in future articles. You have one week to vote, then the results will be published and a new pair of match-ups will be announced. So check back here every week! The players will randomly get a new team mate each round.

Last year’s one-on-one champ, Kobe Bryant, has not been included in the field of 64. Due to his one-on-one prowess, it seems too likely that a Kobe-Player X team would always win. So Kobe, hit the sidelines. I’m sure if Kobe knew about this, he might be a bit miffed at the lack of an invite, but surely he has bigger fish to fry than us!

Review of last week’s match-ups:

Round 2, Game 5: Luol Deng and Pau Gasol vs. Tony Parker and Marcus Camby.
Round 2, Game 6: Shaquille O’Neal and Allen Iverson vs. Chris Bosh and Caron Butler

Thanks to our most faithful reader, Four Twenty, as well as Sarge for their input this past week. Adjudicating these match-ups is easy this week as we all agree!

4:20: “Speed kills. I don’t see anyone stopping Parker or AI off the dribble in these match-ups. If they can’t get to the rim, a dish down low to Camby or Shaq will get it done.”

Sarge: “These playoffs ruined Gasol for me.  He couldn’t do it with Kobe, he’s not doing it with Deng.  Camby and Parker all the way.” How about the second game we have going on here, Sarge? “Wow…definitely a tougher bout.  This pains me to say it, but I think AI and Shaq take it.  Bosh and Butler are solid, but I think AI can run circles around either of them.  Shaq may not be as solid as he once was, but the Diesel can still clean up.  Plus, there aren’t free throws…  “

Game 5 is Tony Parker’s to go “meep meep” and Road Runner past the other duo. His dribble penetration into the lane will lead to a lot of points, even when paired with someone not known for their offensive polish in Camby. On defense, Parker can rest a bit easy knowing he has an all-defensive level presence watching his back. Winner: Tony Parker and Marcus Camby.

I like CB4 and Caron, but Iverson and Shaq are too experienced, two forces of nature, and a classic biggie-small combo to boot. Ten, even five years from now, this one is an easy pick for the opposite team, but right now? Winner: Shaquille O’Neal and Allen Iverson. Can’t wait until next round when Shaq gets a new partner, and raps freestyle and punks The Answer!

And now on to this week’s match-ups:

Round 2, Game 7: Yao Ming and Chauncey Billups vs. Chris Paul and Richard Hamilton

This is a pretty stern test for the theory that a Chris Paul and X-player would sweep through this tourney. I’m a big fan of CP3 and Rip of course, is solid. But Chauncey knows all of Rip’s moves after spending all these years in the backcourt together, and a healthy Yao means trouble for this team of guards. Billups is not as quick as Paul, but he IS Mr. Big Shot, right? So how do you call this one?

Round 2, Game 8: Steve Nash and Josh Howard vs. Lamar Odom and Dirk Nowitzki

Odom and the rest of the Lakers are still reeling from the negativity of laying an egg in Game 6 of the Finals. Meanwhile, Nash, J5 and Dirk, although all all-stars, left the playoff party early. Nash probably always has a defensive match-up problem in this kind of format, yet his other skills give him the chance to transcend those limitations. This is another pretty good match-up to think about.

It’s that scary time of the year where the season is over, the draft is over, and the summer awaits for basketball fans. Sure, the free agency period has its moments. But this lull in the calendar is a good time to hop into our tourney action.

See you next week.

Previous match-ups:
Round 1: Games 1 and 2
Round 1: Games 3 and 4
Round 1: Games 5 and 6
Round 1: Games 7 and 8
Round 1: Games 9 and 10
Round 1: Games 11 and 12
Round 1, Games 13 and 14
Round 1, Games 15 and 16
Round 2, Games 1 and 2
Round 2, Games 3 and 4
Round 2, Games 5 and 6