Noted sci-fi author John Scalzi (The Android’s Dream; Agent To The Stars) doubles as Creative Consultant for the new Stargate: Universe TV series (which you can check out on Hulu if you’ve missed some eps). More importantly, he also writes a regular column for the AMC website (that’s American Movie Classics; not the defunct auto-maker responsible for the Gremlin). Last week, he held a sci-fi writing contest for his audience—you could pick one of 10 different scenarios he suggested and write a short post relating to your choice.

You could choose from movie pitches, disciplinary reports, speeches, monologues, movie scenes, and lots more involving sci-fi icons like Will Smith, E.T., Jar-Jar Binks, Uwe Boll and many others. I chose: “Write a brief monologue from the point of view of the creature who burst out of the chest of John Hurt in Alien.”

And here’s what I posted:

“I’m free! Oh thank the stars! Fresh air! Well, fresher air anyway. Have you ever been inside John Hurt’s chest? I don’t recommend it. The guy smokes like crazy, lungs as black as my agent’s heart! Believe me, I’m doing him a favor by splitting him open.

Wait, who are these other people!? There’s that villain from the Bond movie. The bad Bond movie. The guy from M*A*S*H. Not the TV show. Some British actor. That gal from Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Not the good one, either. And that old guy’s from Kelly’s Heroes. And—hey, wait a minute!

Who’s that new chick over there with the funny first name? I’d like to see her in her underwear when I get older and grow some digits. Gotta run and kill a few people! Right after I floss some of Hurt’s guts out of my teeth. Later!”

The prize was a DVD set of the original Patrick McGoohan Prisoner TV series. I didn’t win (sigh). Always a bridesmaid. But I do get to rerun my entry and post a picture of Sigourney Weaver in her underwear. If you want to read the other entries—and I know you do—click over the AMC website and check ‘em out.

[Artwork: Photo of Sigourney Weaver and her underwear, © 20th Century Fox]