If you’ve ever dreamed of working in comics without actually writing them or drawing them, DC Comics might have a place for you (please make up your own joke for this space). As we roll into 2010, they have openings in two “non-creative” business-related departments, although as anyone can tell you, the business departments of major corporations can be very creative.

First off, the home of Batman and Superman (even after they’re killed off) needs a Staff Accountant to help track money.

You’ll be working for DC’s Finance & Accounting department doing superheroic and necessary tasks like coding invoices, reconciling art and editorial inventory, journal entries (the financial kind, not the “Dear Diary” kind), account analysis and so on.

As always, you’ll need that precious Bachelor’s Degree in Accounting or Finance and they’d love it if you had some publishing industry experience. And here’s the kicker: you’ll need to communicate effectively and tactfully with managers and other levels of personnel, so save your snark and trolling for the internets.

This job has been up for awhile, so either they’re having a hard time finding the right candidate or they’re just taking their own sweet time and seeing who’s out there.

Since I can’t count or handle money, DC’s second offering is more appealing to me. DC’s looking for a National Ad Sales Director to work in their Advertising Sales department. With the downward spiral in print advertising, that’s probably a tough workload but if you can pull it off, the Hero Card is yours to carry around. Fortunately the gig also includes acquiring digital ads for DC’s internet programs, so there is a silver living.

This is a salaried full-time gig and not based on commissions, according to the listing. The lucky employee will “oversee the daily activities and management of the advertising & custom solutions, sales and staff for the DC Comics Media Networks (including DC Kids, Teen, Adult Comics and MAD Magazine, and all related websites and digital extensions).”

You’ll be managing the national sales staff and will be expected to grow advertising sales “from existing client base and solicit new business for DC Comics and MAD Magazine’s media networks for both print and online.” That means you’ll be doing a lot of travel (up to 1/3 of your time), and representing at various conventions and trade shows. No costume required other than the standard-issue DC dress code.

Because this is a high-up-the-executive-ladder position, viable candidates will need the all-important BA/BS degree in Marketing, Advertising, Business or related field or equivalent work experience. Plus, they want to see 7+ years previous experience working in an advertising sales or marketing and promotions department. In addition to smoke-free, DC is working towards a snark-free work environment since the person in this position “must have the ability to communicate effectively and tactfully with persons on all levels, in person and on the telephone.”

Good luck, potential candidates. Get the New Year off on the right foot by getting a decent job!

[Artwork: one of those great, unretouched “Batman’s Secret Life” panels, © DC Comics]